Taxation (with extreme monetary representation)

Saturday, January 31, 2009

I know it's impolitic to talk about money, but guess what, as it turns out, Impolitic is pretty much my middle name. So is Danger. And Uncoordinated.

So I filed taxes today, which is something that I actually enjoy because, as a result of my measly salary and expensive educational costs, the government always ends up giving me money back. Which is always awesome. And with Valentine's Day and Slappy's birthday approaching, almost always needed too.

I started to file married with an "exemption" because Slappy is hopelessly poor without income, but they wouldn't let me claim my educational deduction stuff. So then I tried to file married but filing separate, and again, no education relief.

It occurs to me that I'm probably not actually married since Slappy and Kathnyn continue to survive in wedded bliss, however, I didn't go that route. I feel like tax auditors aren't big fans of "technicalities" like typos on marriage licenses.

Eventually I decided to file jointly with him, and in the end I got my educational refund and Slappy got himself a nice rebate for being an unemployed money-sucker a full-time student and we continued with the deductions sections. (No, I won't tell you how much we got back, THAT would be impolitic and you know, even I have boundaries)

This was all fine and good, and when we got to the "health" section, I thought I was golden. I had been saving all my medical bills from 2008 (including the brain surgery bills since they weren't billed until 2008) for this very day, for this very experience and we started adding the costs. Oh, the costs. I imagined that after adding up and inputting these costs, the IRS fairy would simply fly down and give me back all my money.

You can probably figure out that that didn't happen. But instead, I figured out how I managed to get into such deep credit card debt.

For the year 2008, I paid $3532.29 in hospital fees.

For the year 2008, I paid $860.65 in doctor's fees.

For the year 2008, I paid $697.97 in GLASSES (for crying out loud)

For the year 2008, I had $6152.00 of items stolen from me. SIX THOUSAND, ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO DOLLARS. And that's not including any of the gift cards.

And do you know how much money the IRS gave me back for these fees? That would be none. None dollars.

So basically I just calculated these horrendous costs which helped to lower me into a deep depression, one which will inevitably require kajillions more in copays and prescription antidepressants.

Oh IRS, you're so funny.


Flea said...

I don't think I've ever in my 41 years heard the IRS described as funny. That's a first. Congratulations.

Lipstick Jungle said...

CRAP! I was hoping our nearly $9,000 in medical bills would give us some much needed tax relief.

Oh well, they suck it out of you when you earn it, and they suck it out of you when you pay it.

And they wonder why they are called vultures...

Daisy, Just Daisy said...

The IRS is the most un-cool government entity EVER.

Anonymous said...


Did you know that you are able to count your mileage to each and every one of your doctor appt's as an expense?

We also have huge medical deductions and I have started keeping a record of every doctor visit and then putting the mileage to and fro next to that visit. At the end of the year, you add up all your mileage and the IRS lets you take a certain amount per mile. It changes every year and since I haven't done my taxes yet this year, you might want to check their website for what the actual figure is this year. You might be suprised as to how much "mileage" you actually get from traveling back and forth to doctor appts.

We actually get quite a bit out of this because we sometimes travel anywhere from 3-4 hours for doctor appts. Most of Kerri's docs are at least 1 hour away. I don't remember if you traveled any disance for your surgery, but that might come into play if you did.

Just a thought, I wanted to pass on to you.

Kathy-mom to Kerri

Anonymous said...

Did you look at the theft-loss deduction? You may qualify for that...