This Week Part 1: Family Matters

Friday, April 4, 2008

So, I've left out some bits and pieces of the story of this week, only because I was waiting to see how they panned out before I came and ranted with my jazz hands of anger.

(editor's note: leaving anonymous comments telling me to "get over" myself is fairly unnecessary. Trust me, I'm over me. Now I want to kill you instead.)

On Sunday we got a phone call from The Fiance's parents. A week earlier I had socialized with the MIL and listened to her talk about their upcoming trip to NOLA for Jazz Fest and we had discussed the restaurants we'd eat at and all the "fun" we were going to have (seriously, I was extremely polite and kind). Which is why it was surprising that she told us in this phone conversation that they had cancelled their trip. They decided that they wanted to do something more relaxing and so they were booking a trip to Puerto Vallarta.

After she told us about the trip they were planning, we informed them that we had booked our honeymoon and they became intrigued with the idea of Maui. They asked for our hotel information and prices, etc. This is probably where I should've suspected that everything was too good to be true. They weren't coming to New Orleans and we had booked our honeymoon successfully.

On Monday, The Fiance called his dad to find out why they really weren't coming out for Jazz Fest. He initially gave the same story, and then called back 10 minutes later with a guilty conscience. Apparently, the MIL does not feel comfortable coming out here, she does not feel welcome (weird, right?) and she doesn't want to start any big arguments right before the wedding. And while I appreciate that on her part, I also wonder if for her, starting an argument is some sort of reflex where like, if things get going too happily she has to ruin everything.

We decided to let it go. Except that then they decided that they really liked our idea and they cancelled their trip to Puerto Vallarta and booked one guessed it...Maui! They're not staying at our hotel (it's a Condo, did you know that they won't even have room service or turn-down there? The HUMANITY), but for all intents and purposes, they are going on our honeymoon, just one month ahead of us.

I realize that this may not sound like a big deal, except that we will have to listen to all of her sage wisdom on Maui and all the things we have to do, shouldn't do and can't afford. She's going to pre-screen my honeymoon. I'm sorry but this IS NOT OKAY. Seriously, as a parent, if your child called and told you that they had finally booked their honeymoon and were really excited would you then book a trip to the EXACT SAME PLACE one month earlier?

So then yesterday happened and we lost our flight to Maui. The MIL called today to whine to The Fiance about how she needs to find some travel insurance because woe is her, what will she do if something happens to her trip? Not one little tiny iota of sympathy for our honeymoon being fucked over by the universe. No, it's all about how we're stupid for booking through Expedia, it's not cheaper and they're going to screw us over in this whole debacle. She actually uttered something along the lines of, well, you won't be able to afford it now, we'll tell you all about it when we get back. You should look into Puerto Vallarta, it's much less expensive.

It's just a damn good thing I wasn't on the other end of the phone because I'm pretty sure I would've completely lost my shit. As is, I'm still trying to figure out where I misplaced it.

She also called to talk to us about the one teeny tiny wedding thing we let her control. I once suggested that we get personalized Mardi Gras beads as wedding favors, and was met with mediocre response. She then came up with the same idea a week later and has been unwilling to let it go since. So we told her that she was welcome to buy them and we would give them out as favors, in addition to the treats we've already procured. Our intention was to get them personalized, you know, with our name and wedding date on them and put them on little racks so they could be grabbed on the way out of the door. We don't really want every picture of our reception to be people with beads on, we've spent a lot of money to have a really nice reception, this is just not the way we want it to be remembered for all posterity.

We just got off the phone with the MIL again, and she's ordering Champagne glass beads from somewhere in Gulfport, only, she's not ordering them or paying for them, we're supposed to go drive there and buy them from the store. So, she's not buying them, they're not what we want (according to her, the personalized and wedding ones are "so tacky" but these say "it's a party." She even went so far as to say that if someone gave her the personalized ones, she'd throw them away as soon as she got home), and she keeps referring to them as table decorations, which they are decidedly not.

Please, please add more shit to my growing pile. I'll be over here, throwing it into the fan.

And while we're on the topic of shit and doing stupid things, I have a new hatred of all things airlines because the 5 companies still flying to Hawaii are outright, douche-baggedly taking advantage of us. Our tickets were in the neighborhood of 500 a piece when we booked them on Sunday, not cheap by any means. If you look today, you'll not find a flight under 800 dollars and the vast majority are more like 1000 a piece, and not even for direct flights. It's just not necessary, people are still going to fly to Hawaii, you're still going to make money, why is it that you have to be assholes?

So now we're sitting at a coffeeshop, The Fiance is yelling at an airline's automated voice system and I'm seriously considering the option of sedating myself for the next few days. That seems to be the only way to control the rage I have pouring out of my veins. Though the mojito I had with NOLA last night helped considerably.

And friends, this is only part 1, of at least 3 I can think of off the top of my head. It has been the worst week arguably of my adult life. And that light, the one that's supposed to be at the end of the tunnel? It just got snuffed out.


Anonymous said...

Oy. My. Vay. No offense to The Fiance, but do you really want to marry into having this woman as your MIL?? Maybe you should figure a way to sedate HER instead of you!!

Overflowing Brain said...

You'd think that her being 2000 miles away would make it better, wouldn't you?

You'd be wrong.

Overflowing Brain said...

Oh, and yes, I'm sure I want to marry him. I could make several terrible comments about her age and state of health, but that seems cruel.

Anonymous said...

Get over yourself already.

~~Silk said...

Actually, her choosing the champagne glass beads is good fortune. All you have to do is not pick them up, pretend you did, "misplace" them "accidentally", and get whatever you want "at the last minute".

Anonymous said...

So are you really going to pay ofr the beads she ordered?!?! I would tell her I didn't have the money, so I wasn't getting them.... or tell her you went and looke dat them and thought they were extrememly


Anonymous said...

If the beads show up at the reception, you'll have to bribe a groomsman to steal them and tie them to the back of your car. Not your fault The Fiance's friends are so irresponsible.

Is your FIL-to-be a nice person? 'Cause I hate to screw with him, but otherwise, you just need to get a copy of her itinerary, and then block your number from caller id (*67 maybe?), and call and change them. You know, two double beds in a smoking room, near the ice machine. A 4:30pm dinner reservation, a non-Kosher meal on the airport, with a wheelchair to meet her at the gate... Oh, the opportunities for mischief abound... :P

kim-d said...

I like Anna. I'm with her. Get on the horn and get to work! If the FIL has to be collateral damage, oh well. He married her! :)

And, ya know...she IS taking your honeymoon a month earlier than you--and when you stop to think about it? There is something EXTREMELY creepy about that. Ewww. For her, it seems a medication adjustment is definitely in order.

I wonder if anonymous IS her...BWAHAHAHAHA!

Flea said...

I'm sure I gave you this link last time you posted about my MIL - I mean your MIL.
I probably will every time. YOU MARRIED INTO MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY. You poor, poor thing. I know that woman. And the FIL? He may seem like a great guy, on your side, but the moment MIL reaches the final breaking point with you? He'll never speak to you again. And she'll only reach that point when you do first.

Sorry. It's all coming back. All 15 years of it. Ugly, poisonous.

Can't y'all change your honeymoon? Maybe Alaska? And just don't tell them? Haven't you ever wanted to see Australia?

Oh, and I've tagged you. I won't be offended if you choose not to play.

Sherri said...

Hi Katie,

Hey, the good news is, the in-laws AREN'T coming to NOLA for Jazz Fest! Now you can actually enjoy it! Hey, just looking for something positive to say. The rest of it, well, it sucks. I agree, they shouldn't have booked the trip to Maui. That is just another little slap in the face. They should have let you have your trip, even if they wanted to go, listen to you tell them all about it, and they could have gone later. Its so childish, but then again, so are many of the other things the MIL has done to you. And the beads? Just tell her you've decided to go "in a different direction" or something along those lines. Don't let her take advantage of you that way. It would be one thing if she was going to pay for them, but the audacity of her expecting you to pay for her idea shouldn't be tolerated. Hang tough. Or, if you aren't comfortable with that, call the place in Gulfport and just cancel the order and don't say anything to her about it before the wedding. She'll be wondering where the hell the beads are at the reception - ha ha.

And go someplace else for the honeymoon. There's a great big world out there, choose someplace they've never been. Don't set yourself up for all the "now that we've been there, here's what you MUST see and do while you're there" comments. It will only piss you off.

Its gonna be tough marrying into this family, knowing that after the wedding, you will still have to deal with MIL issues. You can't pick your family but you can decide how you're going to deal with them.

the queen said...

I can just hear, "Why should KATIE get a better vacation than me? I WANT to be the one getting married, I WANT to be special, I WANT MY beads on the tables." Granted, I thought my sister-in-law's wedding would be a nightmare of High Tack, and in some ways it was. I at least wanted to throw her an elegant wedding shower (which of course I know a sister-in-law shouldn't do) and all my plans (place, date, menu, venue) were overthrown by the bride and her mother.

So what I did was have all MY friends eat the lovely luncheon "shower-minus-bride" at the tea house with me, and used the menu for my own tea party at my house.

Buy YOUR beads, keep the leftover favors, and throw a stupendous post-wedding post-honeymoon party at your house with your friends and point out how lovely the wedding would have been without having to cater to her friends and her demands.

And Jesus, you were nice to her and she still turned it against you? The consolation is that she can't make you look bad to her family - they all know exactly what she is. You'd be damned with mother-in-law praise if she liked you.

Anonymous said...

MIL issues are tough ones. I've been married 12 years and I'm still not very close to her. Early in our marriage she used to REALLY bug the crap out of me. One day when I was bitching about her to my own mother, my Mom said, "Well, honey, she sure raised a heck of a son." I was silenced! Now, when she gets under my skin, I try to think of those words as a way to keep "positive" energy in my life, and not let the MIL's negative ways infilitrate my brain. Hope if helps, even if just a little bit! Sounds like you're marrying a super guy, and THAT is what matters!
Carol Fisher, South Florida

Anonymous said...

Just some randomness, for personalized stuff one wedding i went to they did pens, the bride and groom's name and wedding date. They went over well. :)

and the MIL from hell, my mom refers herself to an out-law w/ my dad's family.


Kate said...

Ouch!! she really does sound like a brat!