An Open Letter to my Identity Thief

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Dear Jerkface (who lives at: address removed so my blog wasn't the first thing that came up on google when entered...),

Now, I understand that God was pretty vague in the 10 Commandments when he said, "thou shalt not steal" and I'm pretty sure that the state of California was pretty iffy when they said that "every person who shall feloniously steal, take, carry, lead, or drive away the personal property of another...is guilty of theft." But listen here so I can interpret: taking my shit was wrong, taking my identity is hopefully going to take you straight to jail and then later to hell.

Since December 26th when you STOLE my wallet, you've used my credit card seven times. Now, fortunately for you, my credit card company didn't actually get the card cancelled until sometime after 10:30 that night, so two of those seven times, you succeeded. You lucky bastard.

On January 1st, you tried to take out a Walmart credit card in my name. Really? Walmart? You've got my social security number and driver's license, why not go for something classy?

But you were declined.

Ironically, not because I had yet gotten a stop on my social security number, but, because I am over-extended, economically speaking. This will be the one and only time I am thrilled to be in debt over my head. However, it doesn't change the fact that you tried to take out a credit card in my name. This is NOT acceptable.

And then on January 5th, as I was finally getting the stop on my social security number, you decided to get yourself some AT&T phone/internet service. It was apparently a business account for an office in town. You successfully got that account established just under the wire, yet again.

But then, last night, in your overconfidence, you decided to get a home phone/internet package installed. And this time, I got a call, WHILE YOU WERE STILL ON THE PHONE. Tom the fraud guy from AT&T called and asked if I was Kathryn (Last name) and if I was requesting service to be installed. Then he let me know that someone was on the other line trying to get service and that it would be declined. He even gave me your address. By the time he got back to your line you had, shockingly, hung up.

It's almost like you knew you were doing something wrong.

But, small victory of small victories, your business account wasn't due to be set up until January 14th, so guess what? Surprise! It's not going to be set up. Suck on that. Oh, and Tom my man at AT&T? He gave me that address too.

And soon (in 3 to 5 business days, because identity theft is a HIGH priority) the police will have those addresses too. Yep. Soon the Bakersfield Police Department will know where your home and businesses are, they will have the ability to track you down and hopefully beat the ever living crap out of you arrest you.

If I believed in the idea of "an eye for an eye" I would wish that if someone else does this to you so you can realize how spectacularly stupid and used I feel. But instead, I believe in the concept of police actually doing their jobs (foolish though that belief might be) and I believe in karma.

I believe that someone, somewhere, is keeping track of every illegal, immoral, abusive move you make and that at some point in your life, it will come back to you. And I only hope that in that moment when all the bad karma comes rushing into your life that you realize what you've done to mine. What you've done to my credit history. What you've done to my faith in other human beings.

You robbed me of much more than my wallet, my left over Christmas bonus and my Christmas giftcards. You have stolen my identity, the very thing that makes me me, and you have robbed me of my belief that people can do the right thing.

And for that, I wish you a lifetime of consequences. Excruciatingly painful and life-altering ones.

Bitterly Yours,
Katie, but then, you already knew my name, didn't you?

13 comments:

Nancy Dewitz said...

I'm so sorry for your ID Theft situation. You also may have been compromised in more areas of your life than you know about right now. Hopefully the thief only "got you" in the financial sector, and not in your medical records, driver's license,social security, etc.

There are services out there that will not only restore your identity but keep monitoring all aspects (mentioned above) until this matter is cleared. As a matter of fact, they work with law enforcement to arrest the identity thief.

In any event, I hope all turns out well for you.

Monkling said...

I hope they nail the bastard's ass to a wall. The guy who got my info a few years back lived in NC and apparently was in the crime business with his mother. Now there's a nice family legacy, eh?

justlori2day said...

Yay for justice!!!!!!! Do you just want to be back there standing at the door when this piece answers and say "hey, do you know me? I am you, and you are me you piece ...."

Because I am a Google whore I googled the address to see what kind of crap neighbborhood the piece of dung looked like, and there was actually a picture.

Good luck getting it all straightened out!!! Tom has redeemed AT&T in my book!

~~Silk said...

And in 5 to 6 days after the police find him) you'll print this off and mail it to him/her right? Oh, and include the google maps printout, too.

~~Silk said...

Here's the Google maps street level picture, by the way:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=4300+Balboa+Dr.,+Bakersfield,+CA+93307&sll=35.305425,-119.011202&sspn=0.003642,0.006791&ie=UTF8&ll=35.3153,-119.0203&spn=0.001821,0.003396&t=h&z=18&layer=c&cbll=35.315697,-119.020326&panoid=9-9eWMJ3flwD9GweVjdAjQ&cbp=12,90,,0,5

Lanny said...

It's too bad they couldn't have taken your headaches too. Wouldn't that be great karma!

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this nightmare.

Flea said...

Wow. You got really lucky, getting two addresses. He is so SCREWED. That is AWESOME. You know anyone in the are who specializes in busting knee caps?

Anonymous said...

Did you know, that you can take an address, go to 411.com, do a reverse address search, and come up with a name....

Delgado, Alexis
4300 Balboa Dr, Apt D
Bakersfield, CA 93307-4637

Anonymous said...

haha, just thought of something else - if you have facebook, you should totally facebook them and send a friend request... MAN would that freak them out...

Claire said...

I think I'm gonna google map the street view of jerk face's address. Sounds fun! Wish this would not have happened to you; it is my worst nighmare! Hope it's all better from here.

Daisy Duke said...

Lets sue him! Also, I gave you a blog award. Go check it out.

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