Dee Em Vee

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

So, when I had my wallet stolen, my driver's license went with it. Obviously. And since I'm renting a car when I go to California this weekend (for number one grad school's open house!), I needed one, like now.

Attempt #1 involved getting to the DMV at 3:58 pm on Friday and finding the doors already locked because no one at the DMV works a second longer than they have to (I'd say no offense to anyone who works at the DMV, but I totally mean the offense implied). So even though I got there on time, they absolutely would not let me in. Which is obnoxious because the DMV is at the end of the universe and I didn't know if I could ever get there before 4.

So on Tuesday I left work a few minutes early and get to the God-forsaken hell hole DMV at 3:49 and I was the LAST person they let in.

I brought a ton of work with me because I've never gotten out of this DMV in under an hour. So you can understand my surprise when they called my number before my butt even hit the chair. I was called over to cubicle #11 (which by the way, is the one with the big #11 on it. So if you walk around trying to figure out where to go, you look like a moron...) and she asked for every form of identification possible, including birth certificate, insurance, registration, passport and a sample of my blood (okay, not really, but I wouldn't have been surprised) and she typed it all in the computer.

And then she asked me if I wore contacts or glasses, which I do, and then she had me look into the monitor next to me at the tiniest line of numbers anyone has ever written.

Her: "Read line 1"
Me: "Wha?"
Her: "The top line"
Me: "I can't see it"
Her: "You have to"
Me: "Okay, um, E...R"
Her: "They're all numbers ma'am"
Me: "I mean, 3...um R"
Her: "That's fine"

And then she gave me a driver's license. With BLATANT failure of the vision test (I mean, blatant, there were supposedly 12 numbers on line one alone...), I was granted a license. I don't know about you, but I'm REALLY feeling safe in my car these days. Especially knowing that I can't see a damned thing and apparently no one cares if anyone can.

The only other flaw was that I accidentally wore a sweater the exact same color as the background, so my photo looks like the creepiest floating head picture ever.

Or it might, if I could see it.

8 comments:

the queen said...

Same here. Left eye, read everything. Switched to right eye .. . and I waited for her to put something there ... still I can drive. Perhaps it will come up in an insurance case someday.

Friend #3 has the eyechart memorized.

LilSass said...

The secret to quick DMV service is to go right before they close. Those state workers ain't puttin' in a second of extra time ... they get you in and out. It's a brilliant trick!

The Floydster said...

You are a riot! You can make the most aggravating incident ROTF funny!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

NOTE TO SELF...do not drive in car with you!! :)

Hallie

Flea said...

I got my license in Louisiana and didn't know how to drive. Literally. I had to learn to to drive in rush hour traffic outside of DC when I bought a car a year later. Scary movie.

justlori2day said...

Ok, so note to self:

Do not drive in Louisiana. Alternately titled: if my kid fails her driving test, take a vacation in Louisiana.

Glad you got in and out. Really scared you cant see.

So do you get HANDED your license while you are there? We have to wait 2-3,000 weeks to get ours!

Anonymous said...

A friend of my family is legally blind. She tried to go the DMV to give back her license and get an ID card instead. The DMV told her it was too much paperwork and that she should just keep her license!

Daisy Duke said...

The only department worse than the NOLA DMV is the NOLA Parking Permit office. Yee. Gads.