The Middle Path

Thursday, November 20, 2008

So the boob doctor (yea, I'm gonna talk about boobs again, avert your eyes if you're offended) was interesting today.

I did not walk out with the worst-case apocalyptic verdict I was worried about, but I also didn't walk out completely unscathed. Not that I thought that was even remotely possible.

The manual and ultrasonic molestations revealed a whole lot of bumps in my right boob. Lots and lots of them. However, the doctor is very certain that they're all benign fibrocystic junk due to too much caffeine (boo) and chocolate (gah!). She's told me to cut the caffeine to one drink a day and the chocolate down as much as possible. Surely she means AFTER Christmas AFTER the mint m&ms are no longer available. Surely.

The other thing is that I had to schedule another small surgery procedure for next Wednesday. You see, when they did the quandrantectomy, there was this big gigantic SNAFU known as the seroma, where in my boob leaked profusely for like, um, 2 months. The problem of the seroma, besides the fact that I had to wrap my boobs in an ace bandage for my wedding day and wear a waterproof bandage every day of my honeymoon and keep it packed with gauze for TWO MONTHS, was that the incision healed with, well, a hole in it. My boob hole.

I can only imagine the new keyword search hits I'll get from that sentence.

Anyways, the boob hole (I think I might start using this as a name for people I don't like- you're a boob hole, heh, it works) is a problem because it will interfere with my ability to breastfeed and because it's creepy. So on Wednesday the doctor is doing an in-office procedure to fix it. I rather intentionally didn't ask any questions because I don't want to know what this is going to require. I've never had stitches while conscious and I just don't see how the boob hole is going to get closed without them. Bah.

Yes, I realize it's completely crazy that I've survived brain and invasive breast surgery and am still totally freaked out by having stitches placed in a doctor's office. We've firmly established my mental instability. So now I'm going to retire for the night with a book and less with my computer because otherwise I'm going to google "boob scar revision" and drive myself (more) crazy.

I know, that really just doesn't sound like me at all.


Ali said...

I'm glad there's nothing too serious but I don't actually think it's weird to be freaked out about boob stitches. I would be.

Flea said...

I think you should google "boob hole". Maybe copyright it. And I'm glad to hear that this visit to the doc wasn't a) traumatic, and b) a colossal waste of time. That's a step in the right direction. Right? RIGHT? Yes.

the queen said...

I say your boob hole is whats causing your headache.

lace1070 said...

don't they have some kind of surgical duck tape for something like that?