The Chronicles of Irony: Chapter 10,000

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

On day 2 of my New Orleans doctor tour, I met with the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor and foot doctor for various follow ups.

This is actually the 2nd follow up (or 3rd?) for the sinus thing. Last time I was in, they looked at a CT scan and decided to put me on 10 days of steroids, which aside from causing some wickedly painful heartburn/indigestion, apparently did nothing. Or at least that's what the x-ray of my sinuses showed. What.ever.

So, because of my non-compliant sinuses, the doctor determined he wanted to do a scope. Like right that second. So he sprayed numbing stuff up my nose, stuck the scope (which is bigger than anything going in one's nose should be) and started recording. His reactions were a mix of delight and wonderment. "I've NEVER seen a turbinate that big. WOW. I'm taking a picture." And then he switched to the other side. "LOOK at that polyp. It's huge. Whoa, it goes from there to there! I'm taking a picture of that too."

He went over the video of my nose innards after and showed that my turbinate (not sure how to describe this to you, but everyone has 3 in each side of their nose) is so big it has actually developed an entirely new sinus. Which I think is very evolutionary of my body, if I do say so myself. Apparently its hugeness has caused my septum to deviate like a lot, which is not so good. And on the other side I have apparently the mother of all nose polyps. He doesn't know why it's there, just that it's like medical journal worthy.

So let's recap- the one thing that's not causing me any pain or problems, my sinuses, are super-duper fucked up. Oh, the irony. We can't figure out what's wrong with my head, but we can come up with a laundry list of sinus issues.

He said that for someone with these problems who was symptomatic, he would recommend surgery very soon, to remove the extra sinus, the franken-polyp, realign my septum (nose job!) and drill holes in my sinuses to drain better. BUT and this is a crucial but, since I'm not symptomatic, I don't need to. Apparently some day I will (unless I make it a point to never complain about sinus pain!), but not today. I have to go back in 8 weeks to double check that I'm not in pain and basically, that's pretty much it. I would call the experience painless, but having a hard plastic tube shoved up each of my nostrils, was actually rather spectacularly uncomfortable.

Then I went to work, then I went to the foot doctor.

I had to tell the doctor that, due to my own stupidity in walking badly to avoid hurting the big toe bone that was hurting, that I hurt the part that was not hurting. I'm now having the same pain on the inside of my foot (just below my big toe) and also a TON of pain on the outside of my foot (the bone in the foot that eventually connects to your little toe) because of a misstep in my room the other night (note to self: clean room). Like, in the very place I broke it several years ago. I expressed my concern and they did a new x-ray.

Now, last week the x-ray came back normal and the doctor thought it was most likely not a fracture, though he didn't rule out the possibility. On today's x-ray there was a change in the bone density, indicating a HEALING FRACTURE. Hello vindication, I am not crazy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy that my foot is broken, but I knew it was broken, so it's nice to have those suspicions confirmed.

On the other hand, the little toe of my foot looks normal on the x-ray. He was doubtful that it was possible that it could be broken (he sited some freaky bruising as reason to believe it's a tissue issue not a bone one, which I tried to explain was exactly like the last time it was broken and he looked at me like I was crazy), but since I have to come back in 2 weeks for a new x-ray anyways, they'll keep an eye on it then.

However, the confirmation of the initial stress fracture means we have to actually take it seriously and do the boot thing for at least 2 weeks. Gah. I hate the boot. Mega-loathe it, but I'll do it, because I want this to be over with. If in 2 weeks a fracture shows up on the outside of my foot I'm going to lie down on the floor and weep from the irony of breaking my foot in trying to avoid walking on another part that was broken.

And now begins the 2 weeks of answering "what did you do?" (or its much meaner counterpart "what did you do this time?") and having to come up with a better story than, I didn't eat in college and now my bones break at will. That one is almost always awkwardness inducing.

See, you feel more awkward already.

Tomorrow, a break from doctors. Thursday is for boobs and teh crazy. The fun never freaking stops.


Daisy, Just Daisy said...

HAHAHA. You made me laugh two nights in a row. Evolutionary indeed.

Eat some chocolate. It is bound to help.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Only you Katie...seriosuly...only you.

But at least we all know now what we need to have happen to get a free nose job!!

Hallie :)

مارية said...

That's why I try not to ask people who are wearing bandages, "What happened?" I figure if they want to talk about it, they will...