Because I'm crazy

Saturday, November 1, 2008

So I've decided to do NaBloPoMo and start right this second (even though the cat really wants me to go downstairs and feed her right now (how do I know this? Because she's sitting on my bedstand knocking pill bottles off one at a time. Subtle.) mostly because since I've got a full day planned with my mother, who is alternating between calm and understandably freaking out and I didn't want to miss the first day, because THAT would be embarrassing (longest run-on sentence ever). Without further ado, I present, NaBloPoMo.

Dear woman at the post office yesterday:

Among the things probably did not know when you gave me the condescending "You're Welcome" (as to say, that I should've said thank you but was too rude to do so) for your holding the door include the fact that I actually said "excuse me" just moments before. I did not thank you for opening the door because you were actually exiting via the entrance, and so you were not saving me time, rather, you were wasting it. And being an idiot. So instead of being as rude to you as you were rude to me, I went with excuse me and tried to just get in the door.

You also probably didn't know that I was deprived of a very large check I needed at work. Very publicly and very embarrassingly.

You probably didn't know that I was in the midst of my second cold in a month and that I've had a headache for 44 days.

You probably didn't know that I had just run around most of the greater New Orleans area to get from work, to Slappy's school to pick up papers to then run them to the Post Office to overnight them before the Post Office sent off their last overnight shipment.

You also probably didn't know that I had spent the previous 20 minutes calling Slappy incessantly because he failed to give me the address he wanted them sent to. I started off subtle with several kind texts and then starting just rehitting the send button every time his voicemail picked up. In retrospect, it's probably good he didn't ever pick up because I might have reach across the phone waves and strangled him (he made up for it, that's tomorrow's post). I eventually called his sister to get the address.

But then again, when you're so busy assuming someone is just a disrespectful young adult, you probably don't take a moment to consider that, YOU'RE STILL LEAVING VIA THE FREAKING ENTRANCE YOU MORON. So no, lady, I do not thank you for holding the entrance door so you could exit from it, and I hope you have some understanding of how close you came to meeting your maker yesterday.

And so I say, loudly and as rudely as you did, YOU'RE WELCOME for my not making that your last Halloween on earth.

(Not so) Respectfully,


Lipstick Jungle said...

Can I print this, frame it and wear it on a lovely silver chain around my neck? Because I was thinking something pert-near this yesterday too!

That and those bratty kids who would only utter "trick or treat" when I threatened not to share my stash, and then walked away with nary a "thank you" for which I was more like the rude post office lady and yelled "you're welcome!".

Maybe idiots could take a hiatus and leave us polite people to the earth.