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Friday, October 17, 2008

An email I got this week and I have been trying to ignore it, or find a rational way to respond to it, but considering that this is like the 12th email like this that I've received, I'm just going to address it head-on.

_________________________________________________

Katie,

I wish you could read your blog from an outsider's perspective. Not only have you completely crossed a line from interesting to boring, you've also lost perspective about real life. You don't have it that bad, and at some point you'll look back and feel stupid for making such a big deal out of this.

I think you should change your header. How about, "Incessant Whining since September 2008"

Sincerely,

(name removed)

_________________________________________________

I realize that I am boring some of you to tears with the whining. And part of it is my fault for not letting you in. For asking you to be understanding without first being forthcoming with the things that are going on in my life. I know that I don't have it worse than anyone else, but I know that I'm having a rough month. I'm not writing this because I want sympathy or because I want attention, but because I'm tired of people deciding things they don't know about. Please read, and if you don't want to follow this blog anymore, I won't be hurt, but I really don't need you to send me an email telling me why you're not reading. Or if you really feel the need to send me an email informing me that you're not reading, dial back the nasty. I may not have it worse than everyone else, but I sure as hell don't need extra crap from people on high horses.

Despite having a headache for 30 days, I've managed to work every week day except 1 full day and 2 half-days (one of which was for appointments not for sickness). I have worked somedays from 6am to well after 8pm. I have taught a crapload of information because our first quarter was condensed by that hurricane in September and I have made it through almost every day. Even ones like yesterday where I literally thought that I might not ever recover.

I am coaching a varsity sport that requires me to wake up between 4:45 and 5 at least 2 days a week for practices and then stay out until 9pm at least one, sometimes 2 nights a week for the sporting competitions.

I am taking 2 classes right now, which thankfully are going fairly well. But, they do take time and energy.

I am volunteering approximately 9 hours a week at a clinic in town. Unpaid, volunteering. Why you ask?

Grad school applications are almost due. So I'm also trying to fill out 30 some-odd applications and make myself sound like a good student while simultaneously wondering if I'm even going to be capable of completing this degree.

My husband is leaving a week from tomorrow for a full month in Los Angeles. A month. I am so proud of him for getting this rotation, but I am simultaneously so sad because, seriously? A month? Alone? I'm just sad. I'll get over it, we'll survive it, but I am sad now.

My father has been sick since mid-August. He has lost over 15% of his total body weight because he cannot eat anything larger than a bowl of oatmeal or a piece of toast without getting sick. He's had blood work, an endoscopy and an ultrasound. We're currently awaiting the results of a CT of his pancreas because of something they thought might have been on the ultrasound. My father is only 52 years old, I am not capable of dealing with the possibility that there's something on his pancreas. I cannot explain how taxing it has been to be 2000 miles away from my dad when he's been so sick. It's a sickening helpless feeling.


So yes, my blog is perhaps boring now, perhaps pessimistic, but this is my blog. This is where I come to be me. Where I come to talk about what's going on in my life, and I am sorry that it hasn't been rainbows and puppy dogs lately. But if you're willing to give me a little time, I promise you that I am trying to do better.

And that's all I can offer right now.

17 comments:

Flea said...

Katie, we love you. I was going to say I love you, but that just sounds creepy. :) You know what I mean. You say what you want and need to here. I sure wish you could cut back on the coaching or something, though. No chance you'd put grad school off for a year? I'm guessing your answer's no. *sigh*

You do what you need to do. Do you have someone else there, physically in NO, to lean on while Scrappy's gone? Tell him for me that I'm still upset that he rigged his own naming contest. ;)

nola said...

This is your blog. Good, bad or ugly. For us to have blogs, we have our own reasons for blogging. And if this is your place to vent, even if not ever element of your life, so be it. That is your prerogative. I don't understand ugly comments or emails. But for your own sanity, my advice is DELETE. Don't respond; don't let it get to you. Hard to do, I am sure, but don't make this corner of the internet about non-Katie fans.

*Hugs*

Monkling said...

Ya know, Katie, you just need to get rid of that damn headache so you can be funny again. Damn, I don't know what you're thinking. Seriously, like others said, uh, am I mistaken or is this your blog?

On the other hand, the really scary part about your post was your father's age. I really don't need to be reminded that I'm old enough to be your mother. And don't you think my prayer list is long enough already without having to add people to it? Geez, give a person a break here.

carolyn said...

Clearly the pinhead that wrote you that email has never suffered from chronic pain. Good grief, if they find you boring then they shouldn't read.

I found you before the headache, and yes, your blog was different. But rather than feel mad at you because you are in pain and letting us know, I am mad on your behalf that no one can seem to get this fixed. I am also frustrated that there is nothing that we as readers can do to help beyond letting you know that we care about you and wish that things would get better.

April said...

I'll never understand why people feel the need to write stuff like that. As you said just stop reading if you don't like it, no one is forcing them to come here. They can start their own blog it's (still) a free country!

I know I have gotten frustrated but only because i wish there was something we could do to help you, when you seem to keep hitting these dead end Dr.'s.

Well I'll be thinking of you and your Dad, praying answers are found soon!

Lanny said...

Damn it must be nice to live in that person's perfect world.

Feel better soon, Katie!

~~Silk said...

Consider my name added to April's comment. Ditto.

I don't understand people who seem to think that blogs are written for their amusement! Seems to me that's a terribly egocentric attitude. My response to folks like that is two words - go away.

the queen said...

Fuck that fucking troll. I hope everyone in her life ditches her when she has troubles because she's bringing them down.

Cathy Arnold, catherinem40@yahoo.ca said...

Obviously, the people you are receiving the thoughtless emails from are ones who have not experienced the pain and anguish of a massive headache. I have just spent 4 days dealing with a hellish headache, dizziness and vertigo...side effects of a new medication i'm on for my RA..the med is called Humira. I felt like i was going to die, and was close to a nervous breakdown. All that time Katie, i thought about you...and what you have been dealing with for over a month now...on top of everything else. Kudos to you for not giving up!! I commend you, and you have every right in the world to be sad and upset. I honestly don't know how you do it. You are truly an inspiration to me!! Stay with it girl...and i will too! xo

Owens Family Adventures said...

I just don't even know what to say about that person. Wow. What a jerky thing for her to send to you.
Hang in there....I read you every day. I read you when you were funny and I read you now when you are going through a really tough time. I am sending you some warm thoughts and some prayers for this awfulness to pass you on by.
dawn

The Floydster said...

Some people are just unbelievable -what a jerk! I'll say the space since everything I would want to say has been said already. Keeping you (and now your dad) in my prayers.

The Floydster said...

Okay, that should be "I'll save the space" - how many times have I told my students to PROOFREAD? Sheezh.

Becs said...

Yeah, seriously this is you damn blog. You can write whatever the hell you want on this. If someone doesn't want to read it or is bored, then go the hell away!! No one is forcing them to read this. God, some people suck.

I am really sorry you are going through such a hard time. I read because every day I am so hopeful things will get better. I think about you whenever I get a migraine and think my life is over. I can't imagine the strength you have to have to keep going with a severe headache like you do. You amaze me. Keep it up. There is no way this will last forever. I can't wait for the day that I come to your blog and see that you are feeling great! Until then, I will be reading and hoping. :)

Flea said...

Wait, wait, wait. I'm reading down through the comments and thinking, "Katie was funny?" What did I miss?

I kid. Really! I still find you funny, even in your pain. In fact, I marvel at your ability to string letters and words together in the middle of this. Your pain tolerance must be super human, girl. If you ever give birth, it will be a walk in the park in comparison.

I've told you I get monthly migraines. They take me OUT. Can't imagine a month long super migraine and not just giving up completely. You. Are my hero. And now when I get headaches and migraines it's a reminder to pray for Katie.

justlori2day said...

I ditto everyone's "screw the asshole with an opinion". Because this is YOUR blog. If you wanted to ONLY write about the negative it would be your perogative.

I wish the pain would go away for you. I dont know if I have ever told you this or not, but besides being a chronic headache and migrane sufferer, I also have fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. At 37 I live in constant pain - sitting, standing, laying down. Pressure on any part of my body hurts - imagine level 7 to 8 on a pain scale almost constantly.

BUT, when I read about your headache(s), and I read about your struggles, I dont think of my own pain, I think of yours, and how I know that a headache is so much more frustrating and hard to function with. I had one last week that sent me home early. I clearly remember telling my staff that I would much rather have something else ailing me than the headache.

So hon, you may have it worse, you may not, but no matter what your experience, it is yours, it is your blog, and you have every right to say it like you mean it even if it isnt pretty!

Take care!

Kristine said...

You have got to be fucking kidding me! My god, if people don't like it they don't have to read it.

What is with people?!?

Annie said...

hi - i am here via some blogghopping.

OMG, i can't believe anyone actually said that to you! its not their business whether or not your blog is "interesting" by their standards. i like it.

i don't know you, or the author of the email, but that really makes me angry!!

as a headache sufferer, i totally sympathize with you on that front. the kind of things that you've kept doing while suffering the headaches are amazing. NO ONE knows what kind of pain you're enduring but you. i hope that you find out what's going on soon.