The Plan, at hour 108

Monday, September 22, 2008

So, I think we're at hour 108, I tried to count, but to be honest, my cognitive skills are suffering.

My head still hurts. In fact, it hurts MUCH worse than it did yesterday. No, I did not go to an emergency room. I have no valid reason or excuse. I simply didn't.

So here is my new plan. I think you'll approve.

I will do absolutely nothing tonight except sit in my dark bedroom drugged to high heaven. Tomorrow I will go to work in the morning, because I need to, because I didn't plan ahead enough to not be there tomorrow. I will leave work at noon and come home. I will nap with my husband (who will just be getting home from an overnight shift at the hospital) and then we will go to the emergency room.

Frankly, at this point, there's not much I won't do to have this sorted out. I still do not want narcotics. Despite over 100 hours of pain, I'm not seeking drugs. I'm not concerned about the pain. Yes, being out of pain is surely high on the list of wants, but not at the cost of narcotics. What I want is resolution of the cause of the pain. I have several suspicions, but no way to be sure until I see a physician, which unless the head pain magically disappears, I will do tomorrow.

And now, all I need from you wonderful people is thoughts and prayers that when I go to sleep tonight, that whatever the hell is causing this nightmarish pain will suddenly stop or go away or die or whatever the right verb is. Or adjective. Or part of speech. I don't even care, as long as it's gone. Because it's starting to break my spirit and I don't like who I am right now or how it's impacting those around me. I just want to be me, I just want to have my life back, my smile, my normal again.

I'll update as I know more.

19 comments:

ender said...

sending good thoughts your way and "disappear NOW dammit" thoughts the way of the pain.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I don't know what to say but know that if I could wish it away, it would already be gone.

Hallie

carolyn said...

I totally understand about not wanting narcotics; based on other comments from yesterday it sounds like there may be other options, so I am glad you will get to the ER sooner or later. Just the thought of your pain tears me up. Wishing all good thoughts and all that stuff...

justlori2day said...

Sending lots of well wishes and prayers for a pain free (or at minimum - reduced pain) night. Have you gotten any closer to making an appointment? Good luck!!!

Overflowing Brain said...

I called and left my doctor's office another message, but have yet to hear a peep from them.

I think they have clinic tomorrow, but unless they call and say come and see us tomorrow, a call from them won't change my current plan.

Linda Eskin said...

My "Get to a doctor" suggestion was because I thought you had a kidney infection (and a fever?). Infections can get bad quickly. If that's the case, get to a doctor, before you end up in septic shock.

If it's "just" a headache, here's an idea (although I know you are a special case): as a doctor about Midrin. It's not a narcotic (as far as I know - I can't tolerate narcotics). I had to take it (just one or two pills) once when I had a headache that would not go away for over a week - the wake up crying kind (and I am not generally prone to headaches). It was so bad they did a CT scan to check me out. Turns out it was just tension, and the Midrin wiped it out. I've seen it work similar miracles on others, too.

Good luck. Headaches suck.

ladycarborane said...

I certainly will be sending many many prayers for you this evening. I wish that there were some way that you could feel better even just for a second!

jojo said...

best wishes...good thoughts...finger-crossing...prayers...and anything else I can come up with. I hope you feel better...

stacey said...

good luck!! I hope the pain does go away for you and soon!!!

The Floydster said...

Add my prayers and best wishes to all the others.

LilSass said...

I don't think there are words in my vocabulary to express the pain I feel FOR you. I am so so sorry for all of this and I hope to someone on high that a solution is around the corner. God speed!!

Flea said...

Looking forward to hearing, this evening, that the pain is lessening to gone. Hang in there, Katie. Praying for you.

lace1070 said...

I will keep you in my prayers for resolution to all of this! When I had a migraine for 2 weeks they gave me steroids ~ prednasone ~ to stop the cycle. I thinkg the steroids made me feel completely psychotic! Hugs ~ Lace

Patti said...

So hoping you get relief from this nightmare. I went thru this 4 or 5 years ago. Went to ER and they did nothing. Got help from the MD at the dialysis center I work at. He is a hypertension specialist. He started me on BP meds and Zoloft, which he said is used to prevent migraines. This combo seemed to work ok.

justlori2day said...

Thinking about you this early afternoon and hoping that you are getting some rest after your morning of work!

Good luck at the ER/Doc today!

Pain pain go away, and dont come back, you cannot stay!

LauraMae said...

I hope you get some relief soon--thinking of you and wishing you well.

charlotte said...

My thoughts and prayers are always with you, my brave friend.

Ashley said...

hey katie -

I haven't left a comment in a while, so I thought I'd post today hoping that if you went to the ER today they were able to help... I've had a migraine, and I can't imagine that lasting more than a day let alone what you're going through....

justlori2day said...

I hope you are getting some relief - you have been in my thoughts today. I know pain can make time stand still.