Hi, my name is Katie, and it's been 62 hours since my head HASN'T hurt

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I am not okay.

I'm trying to be, but I'm not.

My head is bad. Yesterday when I came home after work before dance chaperoning to take a nap, my peripheral vision was dark, it was weird. Today when I laid down to take a nap, my ears were ringing. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, it was also weird.

It hurts. It does not respond to Aleve. It does not respond to Tylenol. It does not respond to 24 time release NSAIDs. It does not respond to combinations of the 3 (my liver and kidneys are also not thrilled with that choice). It does not even respond to sleep. Sleep was the one thing I used to be able to count on with the pre-surgery headaches. If it hurt too bad, I just went to bed and when I woke up, I almost always felt better.

FAIL.

Since Thursday morning when this particular headache began, I have slept 4 times, with no benefit. I really am not equipped to handle this. I can't focus, I can't think, I cannot seem to really do anything except dwell on the fact that my head. fucking. hurts. Yes, it hurts f-bomb on a Saturday worthy.

I called the doctor yesterday afternoon and just said, look, I don't think that Topamax is causing these headaches, but I don't think it's going to be the answer either. I didn't expect a call back on a Friday afternoon (and I didn't get one), but if I don't hear back by Monday afternoon, I'll call again. And I'll lather, rinse, repeat every day until I get a call back and an appointment. I can't function this way. I'm not able to do my job well. I'm not able to enjoy my life and that was the reason that I had a 4 hour surgery, 13 staples, 5 months of physical therapy and countless anxiety attacks. So that I wouldn't have to do this anymore. And I do not believe that there's nothing more that can be done. I do not believe that I am going to have to learn to deal with this.

I will not accept that answer. I want more from my life and I will have it, damnit. If I have to spend every day on the phone with every doctor I know, I will be out of pain, I will find a life that most closely resembles normalcy and I will be me again.

My name is Katie and it's been 62 hours since my head hasn't hurt, but this will never ever be the status quo.

11 comments:

carolyn said...

I know you didn't ask for advice, but I think maybe it's time for a trip to the ER.

~~Silk said...

You are not being well served by your doctors. Could it be that you are too polite, and they don't realize how bad it really is? Would your husband ... being an original feminist it pains me to say this ... command more respect as your advocate? When doctors don't know what causes pain, they like to pretend it's all in your head. In your case it IS all in your head, and you're going to need to get loud and shrill, and make sure they feel your pain in their ass.

Overflowing Brain said...

Carolyn- The idea has been tossed around. My only reservation, aside from the cost, is that likely all I will get is pain medication. And while the idea of being out of pain is incredibly lovely, it isn't going to fix the underlying cause, which means I'll just be back there the next day. I'm not ruling it out as a possibility, I'm just leaving it as a last resort.

Silk- You're 100% correct. He also promotes my having a backbone and his medical knowledge makes him an incredible advocate. Hopefully his schedule will allow him to be at the next appointment, but if not, hopefully I'll be wiser and much much clearer in my unhappiness.

justlori2day said...

I agree with Carolyn, I would make it my perogative to head to the ER. I know that I have nothing compared to the severity of yours, but I have had to take percocet for my migranes at times to get ahead of the pain - once I got ahead of it, I was able to control it. Like I said, I would never assume to know the extent of what you have been through, but as a chronic migrane sufferer who uses the ER many late nights, I would recommend giving it a shot rather than keep waiting.

And now I read that you responded to Carolyn, so maybe the idea is not a good one for you.

But its an option... And there is nothing - and I mean NOTHING - wrong with pain relief UNTIL you can get in to see the doc and get to the bottom of it for good.

GL Katie!

Ness said...

No relenting of pain, ringing in ears, not able to concentrate or focus, nothing works orally for pain. You sound just like my daughter who is in the hospital recouperating from shunt surgery for her pseudotumor cerebri. Have they checked your spinal fluid pressure? I've been singing this song with her since April and it does get old. You have to be a real proactive person to the doctors and demand some service. I have learned that in the last 5 months with my daughter. You are in my prayers. I'm hoping to bring her home tomorrow after 2 weeks of living at the hospital. She now contracted bronchitis so we have an Infectious Disease Dr. in the mix. For more details see my blog.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I'm praying for divine intervention. Seems like that might help...

Hang in there.

Hallie :)

Anonymous said...

An ER visi doesn't mean YOU have to take narcotics. They can try something called torodal that can be quite effective in many people. Also, an ER visit can result in a STAT CT scan or MRI givn your history; which will make the waiting game a whole lot shorter. It might be worth a try.

Just a though.

Monkling said...

If only I had already made the Limoncello. I could have sent over a bottle. Then you could alternate between drinking it and putting the bottle from the freezer onto your head.

stacey said...

I would have been heading to the ER a long time ago....something has to be done...I hope it gets better soon!

Flea said...

Katie - oh geez, I don't know what to say. I'm late to the comment party, but hoping you've gotten your self to the ER or that the doc has taken action already. Sounds like Ness really knows what she's talking about. And I'm guessing he's not called Slappy for nothing - get your man involved pronto. That's not anti-feminist. It's one person who's in debilitating pain relying on the person who loves her the most to go to bat for her big time.

jojo said...

Katie,
I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes...what can I do? ;( praying...