Deprivation, day 8

Friday, August 15, 2008

I am one-third done with the torture. Wait, I am ONLY one-third finished? Holy hell, I'm screwed.

Y'all, I freaking love chocolate. I like it in cookies, pancakes, brownies, my hand, granola bars, m&m bags and in a nice squeezable container. I LOVE CHOCOLATE. There, I said it. Can I please freaking have some? PLEASE?

And all I really want right now, all I really truly crave, is a big chewy chocolate chip cookie. Slightly underbaked, warm still with melty chocolate chips. I would kill for this. Don't try me, I mean it. I'm pretty sure that commandment, the "thou shall not kill one" has a small asterisk by it that says, *unless said person has not had chocolate in 3 weeks and someone deprives them of a warm, gooey, fresh chocolate chip cookie. God is really reasonable that way.

The second thing I want, is eggs. No, I have no desire to actually eat them (believe me, eating eggs results in so much discomfort that I cannot imagine there to be any egg based creation that is ever worth eating), but in order to have a chocolate chip cookie, well, to have a really good one, I needs the eggs. I want pancakes and waffles and muffins and things that I never make or eat, but now that I can't have them, I really must. have. them.

The next thing I'll add back might surprise you- sunflowers. Why? Because everything without peanuts in it, has sunflower in it. And that's great for all those kids that have peanut allergies, but I go to the a bubble baby allergy aisle, and they're like, nope, nothing for you here. I currently have found 1 kinds of cookie, that sells for 3 bucks a piece, that I can eat. That is the entirety of things I can consume from the ALLERGY SPECIFIC AISLE. You are seriously killing me smalls.

I've also learned this week that Burger King is completely off limits because of sesame and garlic, and my favorite thai dish is an absolute no-no. Tonight I'll probably feast on a bagel before going to my work cocktail party because the likelihood that any of the catered food will be without: garlic, mushrooms, eggs, mayonnaise (contains eggs), etc., seems exceedingly small. Or, my personal favorite discovery this week- olive oil. In case you wondered, olive oil is in EVERYTHING. I actually started cooking with it the other night without even realizing it.

I'm about to begin the great online search for alcohol ingredients. I have been craving an Amaretto Sour (and perhaps a large shotgun), but I'm pretty sure there's some almonds in that (the alcohol, not the gun). Or maybe I'll just go straight with like a big tall glass of rum. Unless there are like some oats or shit in there too. Knowing me, it's like probably just liquid fermented oats and sunflowers.

And I pushed back my environmental tests because I had to work, but I can only wait for those results too. Last time I had them done the allergist told my mom that I was allergic to every kind of tree I had ever been exposed to and that some of the reactions were so big that he couldn't tell where one ended and the next one began. I was not allergic to the Arizona somethingorother, but he assured us that if we moved to Arizona, I would be eventually.

I'm quite serious y'all. I want a trophy. And a mother freaking cookie.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Try the Namaste brand of baking products. I don't know about your other allergens, but they are egg-free, dairy-free, nut-free, and corn-free (which are some of the allergies in our house.) They have a pizza crust and a muffin mix, and some other stuff I can't remember because it's late and I'm old. Also, the Cherrybrook Farms mixes are supposed to be wonderful, and I know that they have a chocolate chip cookie mix. I'm pretty sure that they are egg free, but there's something else in them that my son can't eat, so I don't have a label to check. I think they have a website, though.

I know that trying to avoid food allergens is a giant PITA. I promise, it does get easier. We've been living with them for about 18 months now, and it's second nature.

Once you're past the elimination diet phase, and you know what foods you really have to avoid to feel well, then you should join some online groups (Yahoo has several), and they will help you find alternatives, so that you can still enjoy eating.

Anna in IL

Melissa said...

We've been there, too. And we had to do it with a 3 yr old. But the stuff we have to avoid? Colors. All colors. Still drives me crazy all these years later.

Hang in there and know that the end result will be so worth it.

nola said...

I couldn't have made it this far. You deserve a big, big trophy!

Daisy Duke said...

Now I want a cookie.

And you deserve a shopping spree at Williams Sonoma when you are done with this. Why you ask? Because I said so.

Flea said...

Vodka. Or can you not have potatoes?

susan said...

I don't have any food allergies, thank goodness, but when I was last tested, I was allergic to pretty much every kind of tree and grass and all animals except pigs and cows. I sneeze a lot.:)

Gabi said...

Hang in there...man you're doing better then I ever would!!