An Open Letter to my Brain

Friday, July 25, 2008

(because I don't want to talk about cancer anymore.)

Dear Brain,

I'm very very aware of the fact that this has been a rough week on you. The coughing makes you feel more pressurized, the sinus congestion (that began today) makes you feel squished and you're not happy. You know what brain? I'm not either.

I also know that over the course of the last 3 weeks I've filled you with vast quantities of useless information about elements and elephants and electrochemistry and things you won't remember tomorrow morning and I'm sorry for that too. You had to do a lot of reading and a lot of memorizing and a lot of math (you like it, you know you do). I am sorry to tell you that since the GREs are in a week and you've done no work towards those yet, this learning stuff isn't going to ease up anytime soon.

But see, here's my problem. The coughing has almost completely stopped. I did that, for you. I went to the doctor to spare you this pain, to make you feel better. And yet, you're still hurting me. In fact, you're hurting MORE. Yesterday I threw 3 Aleve and as many Tylenol as we had in the whole house at you and you did. not. stop. I took anxiety pills hoping just to calm you down, I took my antibiotics, I drank a shitload of water and diet soda, just to keep you hydrated and caffeinated. And yet, here we are. You, being immensely painful, me being incapacitated and whiny.

This morning, you flirted with me, that whole 10 minutes of not hurting, it was a ruse, wasn't it? Because no sooner had I stepped out of the house to take my exam, than you replicated the feeling of being crushed by a semi in the back and top of the head. It just ain't right, don't dangle the dream and then take it away.

And perhaps it's not just the pressure, I realize I need to have a chat with my endocrine system and hormones about the fact that I haven't had a period in um, 7 weeks, but even still, you gotta cut a girl some slack.

I am willing to make you a deal. If you give me 7 full days of painlessness and perhaps even one or 2 nights of FREAKING SLEEP, I will give you 2 whole weeks off learning. Just reading for pleasure, no grammar, no chemistry, nothing. Video games, television, movies, but no learning. Really. I promise. Just for you.

I really don't want to take you to a doctor because we both know that will probably be more pain, money and trouble than it's worth, but I also really really really need you to chill the hell out.

In closing, I understand you're not happy, I really do, and if I had anything besides a shotgun that might relieve some of the pressure, I'd do it for you, right here, right now. But you've really, really got to contain your negativity. You could use a lesson in compartmentalizing. Push through this brain, be strong and knock this shit off before I do something drastic, like go back on the opiates.

Don't challenge me, they don't drug test before the GREs, I've got nothing to lose.



Wonderful World of Weiners said...

"Video games, television, movies, but no learning."

What about blogging?

Hallie :)

Daisy, Just Daisy said...

Oooh. Reading for pleasure.


(And I've found that a cocktail of Advil & Aleve, taken as completely not directed on the back of teh bottle has made my shoulder *slightly* less angry. Slightly.)

Warm bath? Cool bath? Shoulder massage?

kim-d said...

Seven weeks? Ummm. I'm not sayin' a word.

Courtney said...

this was enjoyable. if anything you created entertainment out of pain. :-)

Flea said...

I realize this is probably very silly, but is it possible that the diet sodas are playing even a tiny part in the hurting of the brain? I find that more than even one a day triggers tension headaches and migraines.

Other than that, I got Jack. Well, you have my undying sympathy. Pleas get better! And Brain? Listen to Katie!

Overflowing Brain said...

Hey Flea-

Actually, when I had a csf leak, my neurosurgeon recommended the diet cokes because they can help with some pressure situations.

Interesting, huh?