I miss the school nurse

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Despite the barking-cough-of-death and the fever that prevented me from being upright for most of the day yesterday, I went to class. Only, I should add, because we had a quiz planned and we get to drop our lowest quiz grade. I'm not sure if you remember, but um, I got a zero on one last week and I'd kind of like to drop that one. A lot. Did you know a zero out of twenty makes a serious dent in your quiz average? It does.

So I went. And I coughed. And coughed. And coughed. In case you wondered, the prescription cough drops do not work. As soon as I finish the homework that's due tonight, I'm going to use all y'all's recommendations and start shooting alcohol.

Anyways, Professor Incomprehensible stops the lecture and asks me what's going on.

I'm sorry, is my coughing confusing? Does she think I'm giving birth? I tell her in my hoarse-ass voice that "I am sick." She says that she has some red ginseng if I want it. Um, no thank you.

So the lecture resumes. As does the coughing. I left the room a few times when I knew I was due for a spell which would culminate in the cough gag, because really, no one wants to see that. And again, she stops lecture. This time because someone in my vicinity sneezes.

"What is going on?" She inquires.

"It wasn't me." What? It wasn't.

"I know, but look, you've already made everyone sick." She accuses.

Here's where I offered to leave. If I was bothering her so much I'd be willing to go home right then. Really, no big thing. But no, she says it's fine, she'll continue "teaching."

Ten minutes later, she stops again. I swear up and down in my head if she says one more word about my cough that I am just going to pack up my crap and go home. I have already taken my quiz and I just don't need this grief at all.

This time she asks me to read something off the overhead projector. She does this often because her accent is so thick that you tune her out purely because what she's saying is not words, but sounds with no meaning. And since she's reading directly off the powerpoint, it's not difficult to go ahead and teach yourself while she rambles. Though admittedly I paid attention last week when she kept confusing the word "element" with the word "elephant" because that was funny shit. Did you know that the sodium elephant will react with the chloride elephant?

I shot her a look of death and proceeded to read the slide with my pre-pubescent boy voice cracking every other syllable. If there was a way to imitate it through letters on the blog, I would, but just imagine a 13 year old boy trying to read in front of the whole class.

She thanked me for reading and then, with a very confused look says, "Kathryn, are you sick?"

15 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Well? Are you??

I just assumed you were hacking up a lung for the fun of it!!

Hallie

Anonymous said...

I'm reporting my comment from your previous post because you sound for all the world like I did from the end of February until pretty much right now... and I almost died.

Here it is:

Katie,

I went thru "asthmatic bronchitis" for the first time in literally decades... and it was caused by the new formulation of albuterol inhalers. You may want to look into whether your illness is being complicated or even caused by the new propellants (HFA, HFA+ethanol). They nearly killed me. Really. Zithro mitigated the infection, but didn't cure it. I had to go off HFA everything to begin to affect a cure. Severe "pressure in my head" was one of the HFA-intolerance symptoms.

The inhaler itself was the absolute last thing I thought of as a possible contributor. Discovering this so late has done serious damage to my health. Anyway, I'm apparently not an isolated case so it is something you may want to look into.

I did a lot of research and contributed to a pretty indepth article about the issue. See http://mayorsam.blogspot.com/2008/06/new-fda-policy-endangers-respiratory.html

Hope this helps.

Katie said...

Hey anonymous-

I'll read up on it. I definitely appreciate the information.

Ness said...

OMG...did you just want to send her to Emerald City and have her ask the Wizard for a brain? I hate the coughing portion of an illness, especially when I'm in somewhere public like a class or Mass. I could be home and not coughing at all and then go out and sound like I'm hacking up my entire respiratory system. Hang in there, Katie. Hope the ICP is doing a little better although the coughing isn't helping.

Lanny said...

Oh how I wish you had said, "No. Why?"

Evil, I know.

Anonymous said...

You should have told her you were just translating for the rest of the class.

Anna in IL

Daisy Duke said...

Two Words:

Faculty Evaulations


Enjoy that day. Bring two pencils.

Daisy Duke said...

Also on my way out the door for Aleve & ice cream. The directions do instruct the pairing of the two, correct?

the queen said...

Woman! Drink. Courvoisier. Slam it back and tell your lungs to kiss your ass.

CatMominPhilly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lanny said...

I tagged you. Use it as a filler if you need to. I know you're busy with school.

nola said...

Lordy. That's really all I've got. Hope you are feeling better soon. Or that you get your elephants straight at least.

kim-d said...

OMG, Kathnyn! Why no, I'm not sick at all; right now, this is just one very small elephant of my life...

I will thank the education false idols everyday for on-line classes. Cause I can just tell that, although heavy-accent free (which would drive me straight up the wall and I would be forced to exclaim loudly "I CANNOT UNDERSTAND YOU!" at some point), three out of my four instructors have the potential for being JUST.THAT.IRRITATING. E-mail gives one a chance to simmer down a bit.

And alcohol is sweet, sweet elixir...BWAHAHAHA!

Kathnyn, are you sick?

stacey said...

hehe. That is kinda funny. Seriously I would have started laughing. Of course that probably would have made you cough more and made the cycle keep happening. Again feel better soon!!

Flea said...

What exactly does a chloride elephant LOOK like?