Batteries Required

Sunday, June 1, 2008

First, the contest. Already so many hilariously wonderful entries, but keep 'em coming. I don't know if he's looked at any today, but I'm laughing my ass off at some of y'all.

So yesterday TF and I went and got our marriage license and then had a bunch of shopping to do. Just as an aside, boy do you buy a lot of gifts for other people for your own wedding. This seems strange to me. But anyways, we stopped in at Tiffany's and got my ring cleaned, then bought the groomsmen's gifts (after TF finally decided on something, after calling me to ask whether or not I realized that the gifts were given out at the rehearsal dinner. Um, yes, I knew that. Perhaps that's why I've been nagging you incessantly about it?). There was a break for food at one point and a few more gifts here and there (almost 75 dollars worth of thank you notes, but hey, did you know that there's just no freaking reason to pay 7.50 per card unless it's lined in platinum with diamond studs? We did too and caught that mistake before it had a chance to happen) and then we headed home.

The MIL was making dinner (though she's on a health kick and currently makes eating a miserable experience because did you know that has CARBS in it? The only thing I can imagine to be worse than the MIL is the MIL on a diet. She's a raving lunatic and she's hungry, so she's a grouchy raving lunatic) and we were looking to be pretty close to on time to the 7pm dinner. Except that we didn't know how to get home.

So I headed out and found a fairly big street, and anyone familiar with Los Angeles can agree that Pico is a big street. But it just wasn't hitting either of the freeways we needed. After about 15 minutes of me insisting that we weren't going the "wrong" way, just the maybe not most-right way, I finally turned the car around and oh hey, found the freeway, running in exactly the opposite direction I had been driving in. Oopsies.

So we got home an hour later, and 30 minutes late for dinner. The MIL was not happy, much ranting insued. But not before the valet downstairs (yes, their condo has valet parking, I know) called to let me know that my car wouldn't start, despite the fact that I had just driven it all around Los Angeles (and Englewood and several other similar neighborhoods, not to mention across the country). I went down to try and sure enough, when I turned the key, it chugged a little and then clicked really loudly. Ruh-Roh.

So TF and one of the valet guys pushed the car to a spot and we checked out the battery and such. The MIL called down no less than 5 times asking if we were going to eat dinner before calling AAA, and even though we told her yes each time, she had to call back just to be sure. I almost threw myself on my hot car engine at one point.

But we did eat dinner. And a nice one to boot. After dinner I called AAA (where I have been a member for over 60 years) and got someone to come out. It was the battery and now, for the rather small feel of 113 bucks, I have a brand spanking new battery including a 6 year warranty (that's like a challenge, you know I can kill it faster than that). 6 years is an impressive warranty, I mean, in 6 years I'll be over 30, living somewhere else, probably with a child. My battery is going to see some pretty impressive things. Or at least, it's going to get me a free replacement if it doesn't.

And that was more or less the tale of the least complicated car problem I've had. Including the 3 car accidents, the blown out tire, the um, 6 other flat tires and the scrape plate that has been completely torn off by the New Orleans off-roading I do on residential streets. To be honest, it was kind of refreshing to have something go wrong in a normal way. You know, it didn't like shoot the battery into the middle of the street or altogether forget how to steer or break properly, so in the end, I think I definitely came out on top (yea, that's what she said, I know).

And now just a meeting with the Rabbi, a meeting with the minister, paying for the cake, getting the cake topper, finishing the table signs (a kinkos bumblefuck just waiting to happen) and you know, every other detail. It's almost here and I'm so freaking excited I can't even begin to tell you. But I'll try. Just not tonight.


kim-d said...

This post was absolutely hilarious...the best thing I've read since "keep your juices to yourself." I was laughing the whole time I was reading...and thinking how much this post sounds like you're having some fun, you're relaxed and happy, even amongst a hungry sociopath and a car that sounds sorta like Christine's sister. The "that's what she said" was the icing on the cake; love anything "Office" related :)!

And my contest submission for today is: The Mr.

I'm not real imaginative. But I think you are really funny.

Anonymous said...

Will you still have that car in six years? Ah, the rub.

Glad things are going well :)