The Wedding Questionnaire: Part 2

Monday, May 26, 2008

For the 4 of you who are still reading (apparently I've gotten rather boring lately, who knew? echo...), I'm going to post the next 3 questions. You'll note that suddenly The Fiance's answers get really short. His attention span is rather like that of a small child, but what he lacks in length, he makes up for in content. Which is not to say that my verbosity isn't quality, just, you know, wordy quality. Whatever. Look for a contest soon. But not until after I post pictures of the amazing-ass hotel we're in tonight. I heart California!

Question 4: In what ways are you different? In what ways alike?

(My response)
I hate mayonnaise, but love mustard. TF loves mayonnaise but hates mustard. He is very organized, I am very messy. He is very non-chalant about a lot of things, I am very uptight about some. TF loves Zombie movies, I hate any movies that are even slightly gory and/or scary. I love to shop and TF’s hatred of shopping makes anyone he takes shopping eventually hate it too, just ask anyone who’s ever shopped with him.

One of the most common traits we share is a severe indecisiveness. I cannot begin to estimate the hours and days that have been spent having the conversation, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” Over and over and over. It’s like our weekend dialogue and there are days where we don’t do anything because neither of us can come up with anything (to his credit, he is getting a lot better at this, I’m trying, but failing miserably).

We both love television more than we should, both new shows and old classics, we both have a great interest in most things technologically related and we both have a small addiction to Sour Patch Kids and video games (though the wedding diet has curbed the Sour Patch Kids problem somewhat). We are both extreme home bodies and I think I can safely say that we’re both never happier than when we’re at home relaxing together.

(His response)
Different: I have no interest in starting arguments. I hate all things associated with being in the kitchen, but she likes to cook. Oh, she is obsessed with studying and getting good grades. Me, I am not so good with the buckling down and putting in the hours.

Similar: we both love video games, tv watching, movies, and RACQUETBALL!

Question 5: What do you admire about each other?

(My response)
I admire TF’s passion and commitment. I asked him recently a question that I had been asked at work- if you had 20 million dollars and 10 years to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? Without hesitation, he said yes. I think that having that kind of passion and drive for something is amazing. He has put in so much work to medical school and I’m just so proud of what he has accomplished with that passion.

When TF sets his mind to something, he does it. If he needs or wants to achieve a certain grade, he does it. There was a time when to get the grade he wanted in a course he had to get a 94% on a very tough final exam. It’s not that I didn’t believe in him, but I mean, it was a really tough exam. And he got the 94%. If he really puts his mind to something, he’s unstoppable, which is why I know he’s going to be such an amazing doctor.

I also admire TF’s patience with me and with life’s situations. He has not always been dealt the easiest hand and I think a lot of the time I make things more challenging for him. For example, right after we started dating, we were on the way to work when TF said, “I love you too” which sent me into a long monologue into the risks of saying “I love you” too soon in a relationship and how I had been down that road before, etc, for a good 10 minutes of just pure lunacy. TF patiently waited for me to finish my rant before pointing out that he was talking about the band U2, not actually declaring his love for me. He knew that it would take more time for me to reach that stage in our relationship and he waited, patiently for me to get there. He has never pushed me, and I am really amazed at his ability to just let things roll off his back, even when I know they’re driving him crazy.

The impact of Katrina was enough to knock anyone down, but TF got back up and succeeded (granted, his house was spared). He doesn’t let things like that stop him, and I don’t know that I have that same strength. He knows what he wants, and when things get in the way, he deals with them. He doesn’t spend a lot of time woe-is-me-ing about it, he just deals with whatever it is that needs to be dealt with, and I think that’s highly admirable and impressive.

(His response)
I admire her ability to put up with me and be seen in public with me. I admire her patience with me, and her ability to constantly support me despite how much I put myself down. Her encouragement to spend as much time in residency as I need to to achieve the job I want. I admire her body.

Question 6: Tell me about your communication style, how you’ve grown, what you’ve learned.

(My response)
This should be fun. I am a talker. When something is not right, I want to talk about it, as soon and for as long as is humanly possible. TF would rather never ever have a serious conversation if he could avoid it. As I’m sure you could imagine, this has made for some very interesting situations. I won’t lie and say I’ve learned completely to pick my battles, but I am trying to. I am beginning to see when having an argument or conversation will have no benefit and I’m trying to learn to stop myself before I make a mountain out of a molehill. It’s a work very much still in progress..

I’ve learned that TF’s life experiences shaped the way he communicates, and my life experiences, likewise, have influenced the way I communicate. TF’s parents are still married, but like most people, they argue. My parents are divorced, but oddly enough, they never argued in front of my sister and I. In my mind, not arguing is tantamount to letting things build until they reach catastrophic levels. In his, refraining from an argument is a good thing because it decreases the chaos. I’ve had to learn that he will probably never think the way that I do and I have to be aware of that when I try to engage him in conversations and arguments. Lately we’ve been working on learning how to share frustrations without being malicious or accusatory and I think it’s going to be a good step towards better communications for us.

I’ve also learned that TF had a tendency to sleep when people are talking to him with any sort of anger in their voice. It’s something I think he’s working on. He may disagree with me there. I’ve learned to not let it drive me completely crazy. Sometimes. Okay, pretty much never.

(His response)
My communication style is to talk about the things that are important and to let the little things go, after some time. She believes that things should be “talked” about no matter how big or small so that nothing festers and become something bigger. I’ve grown to try to have more talks about things that are bothering me without having to be prompted over and over again, and that not all talks are fights, and that it is better to just say what’s on your mind, in a nice way, of course, than to try to force it out of it.

Just 2 more left, and do come back, there will be a contest, with a real concrete prize this time. Seriously. I might even send it within a decade of the winner is chosen.


CoastingThroughTheSouth said...

You're not boring, I just never have anything insightful to say. In fact, as someone who is now less 11 months off from his wedding I found the wedding questionnaire and other impending wedding topic interesting. I also though the whole "I love U2" thing was friggin hilarious.

Anonymous said...

It's not boring, just haven't had time to leave a comment. SO here's a comment. hopefully the echoing has stopped. ;)

susie from ohio

Anonymous said...

Katie, we are still with you, it was a holiday weekend maybe that's why it seems like traffic is down on your site. Don't worry some of us are still here and the wedding questionnaire stuff is great. I think it would be fun to do this now (just celebrate our 14th anniversary) but I am sure my husband would say "WHY"?

Flea said...

Traffic is down everywhere right now. Holiday weekend, end of school, people leaving for vacations, graduations, weddings, gorgeous weather and gardening. You name it.

You and the Fiance are such the opposites of me and my Hunny. Sounds like you've gotten very far in the relating process though. Awesome.

Ann Marie said...

I make 5 for today! so you DO have readers.. I read just don't leave comments often LOL

the queen said...

Yeah. I'm here. And I was here all weekend when NO ONE commented on my blog, except for one person. I assumed I'd gone too far with Dick Cavett and the vacuum cleaner.

Anonymous said...

well, I left a comment earlier, and now i don't see it. so maybe your blog is just eating the comments. (or maybe i stink at entering word verifications and clicked away too soon.)

anna in il

Anonymous said...

Teehee. I love his answers!

Anonymous said...

I'm finding this all very interesting, thankyouverymuch, and I think when you can find a man who's willing to fill out a questionnaire like this, (and make it public) you should marry him and quick! (oh, but you're already going to take care of that soon, aren't you?) Best wishes for a fantastic day and a blessed marriage.