Dear Assface, I mean Anonymous...

Thursday, May 22, 2008

I think we need to have a talk, because clearly there is some confusion here. Unfortunately, this will once more derail my planned post, but it needs to be said, so here goes.

This is my blog. It's not yours. It's mine.

You read it by choice, by your own volition. No one is forcing you here and no one is forcing you to comment. In fact, if it was you who left the comment this morning at 10:22am, telling me that "maybe there was only one comment for a reason......" well, then I officially uninvite you. You are not welcome here anymore and henceforth your comments will be deleted as soon as I see them.

As an aside, an ellipsis, (which I'll define since all signs point to you being relatively uneducated- it's that set of dots you threw in at the end of the comment), is actually only supposed to have 3 dots. It's not like, add as many as you want to convey your sarcasm or wit. It's more like, you put 6 dots to indicate that you're not smart enough to even know what the punctuation you're using is. But your illiteracy aside, the bottom line is that you are not wanted here, not appreciated here, and most definitely not needed here.

If you have something snarky to say, give me your real name and stop being such a pussy. I won't be responding to your comments anymore, they will just be deleted. If you have something you'd like to say to me that you really feel is so incredibly important, email me, or, [gasp], leave your name. I'm sorry, it's just chicken-shit to criticize someone without leaving a name. It indicates that you know you're being a douche-bag and you just don't want to be in trouble for it. Life doesn't work that way. Seriously, grow a pair.

To be perfectly honest, my mind truly boggles with the concept of being a troll on someone's blog. Do you know me? I'm doubting it. Have I done you wrong in someway? Again, doubting it. Is it unacceptable for me to make a coy remark about having fewer than normal comments? I'm thinking no, since, oh that's right, IT'S MY BLOG. Would it have been so fucking hard to hold your tongue when I've just finished writing a blog about good things? I just don't understand you. You don't believe me when things are bad, but when things are good, you try to knock them back down. It seems like you have issues with my life. Is it jealousy, or something else?

In the end, I don't really give a crap why, because I'm sure that the reason is so spectacularly stupid that it won't be worth either of our time and frankly, I think you'd be better off using that time with a licensed psychiatrist. But back to the point, this is a blog. It's not some place where you can come to crap on other people whenever you feel like it. It's not a place where you should feel free to put me down because I'm writing on the internet. And most importantly, it's not being written for you. If what I'm writing bothers you, then shut the freaking window because you will so not be missed.

Grow up or go away. Those are your only choices and this will be the last time I deal with you.

9 comments:

nola said...

I may start dropping an anonymous comment here and there just to rile you up. It is so fun to read your pissy posts!! ;)

Sorry for the troll. Think you fixed his wagon, though.

Nico said...

Ah, trolls. I never understood the point of their need to voice their opinions since it suggests some kind of self-importance, but whatever, everyone's got an opinion, I guess.

jojo said...

Oh nice post! Unfortunately, I doubt it will change anything. I did learn something new though, i've got to be more carful with my dots... ;)

Flea said...

It's called an ellipsis? Cool. This troll has interesting manners, too. Maybe it's your mother-in-law. Did I type that out loud?

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Grow up or grow away - that may be the best statement I've heard in a long time. I plan to steal it - hope that's ok with you!

This was very WELL put!

Hallie :)

~~Silk said...

I don't know how much it will help, since people hide behind ids, too, but if you go to the dashboard, then settings, then comments, you can disallow anonymous comments.

There are people who stop blogging because the trolls hurt them. Happy to see you kick back. A bully won't hang around when they get resistance.

kim-d said...

Hey, I like that idea about disallowing the anonymous comments. That should send your big baby troll back to his/her own sandbox! I do not believe it; what is with people anyway? You know what my first thought was (slap my face...)? Your MIL has found your blog. OH.MY.HAAYL.!!! The one thing that makes me happy is that your troll apparently used more than three dots whatever-they're-called, because I like to think that the three is sort of my "signature" and I would hate to share that with a troll. Whoever your own personal assface is? Clearly has a miserable life and is jealous that you have so much good going on right now. Never mind the fact that you have taken a stroll through hell to get to where you are. The fact that you got your job--YAY!--proves that YOU play well with others :). And good for you for saying what you want to assface. The time it happened to me, it made me feel infinitely better to unleash all my fury on the unknown troll. Some people can turn the other cheek; I, however, will NEVER be that mature.

Assface aside, I'm so glad that things are going good. And they're just gonna get better, what with the impending marriage and all. And I can't think of anyone I wish this for more.

Sherri said...

And now I'm feeling guilty for occasionally using more than three dots myself. Oy, I'll never learn the "internet comment rules" enough to feel comfortable leaving comments again...

Sherri in NC

the queen said...

I get no greater satisfaction than when I upset my troll. And now that I have two trolls, evidently, I will have to find what they have in common and really work on their nerves.