Occupations

Monday, March 17, 2008

I'm going to talk about something a little off color, because frankly, this is too good not to share. I'm doing my best to use metaphors and synonyms because a) I don't want to scare off any conservative readers and b) I do not need to increase my google search hits in the -nography of the poor anymore than I already have, if you know what I mean.

First, a brief introduction (this will be the difficult part). There is an act that a woman can, um, I guess perform, for/on a man. It can sometimes be referred to as a "job" of sorts, we'll call it an "occupation" for this story. This specific occupation I'm talking about requires the woman using her oral cavity (not like a rotten tooth, by the way) to um, you know, do the occupation. I'm not condoning or rebuking or even discussing this topic specifically, I just wanted to sort of set up the story because the terminology is important for this to make sense.

So this morning, I was driving to work at about 7:15 on a somewhat residential street nearish to the school I work at. The speed limit is either 35 or 40 mph though most cars average a little faster. After a moment I noticed that right next to me was a black mustang convertible (top was on) that was was driving both somewhat slowly and erratically. The latter is not so abnormal, however, the slow is. I, not trying to be nosey, but just sort of as a holdover from my years as a California driver, looked over to see what the driver was doing because I figured it would be a high school student text messaging or something else stupid.

Um no. Not a high school student. Not text messaging.

Imagine my surprise when I looked over and CLEARLY saw a woman doing said oral occupation on the driving man. AT SEVEN IN THE MORNING. ON A MONDAY.

I can't even brush my hair properly at 7 in the morning on a Monday. I'm not sure whether I'm more impressed or extremely grossed out...

11 comments:

kim-d said...

BWAHAHAHAHA...a Monday morning, not even 7 a.m.? She's either 1) a pro, or 2) they haven't been together very long. And I must be getting really, really old because all I can think about is what would happen if her hair got tangled up in the steering wheel or in his zipper, or if he got confused between the gas and the brake, or OH.MY.HELL. what if he had gas? Did you point and laugh? I'd have pointed and laughed, and then called 911 and reported an erratic driver. No, not really.

Before 7 on a Monday morning? If she's NOT 1) above, he better be taking her out to dinner tonight.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pontchartrain Pete said...

Somebody obviously loves Mondays...

the queen said...

Oh My GOD woman! My sainted MOTHER reads your blog!

I'm shocked, Mom, just so you know.

Monkling said...

My first thought is, "Is that woman out of her freaking mind?? The guy's going to crash & kill her." I'm sorry but if I'm her, that is not how I want to go.

Hey, wait a minute. Was it Eliot Spitzer? Bill Clinton?

Ashley said...

hahahahahhahahahahahahaha....

I have a simliar story... execept mine was on a school trip to NYC and we were on our tour bus going somewhere (keep in mind we're all about 15-16 at the time)... and we got stuck in traffic next to this cab.... in the backseat of the cab, there was a woman performing an "occupation" on the man, the cabbie (i think pretending to be) oblivious to the whole thing

I'm sure you can imagine how a bunch of 15 yr olds reacted to this lol...

Anna in IL said...

It's all in how you look at it. What to you, was very early on a Monday, might to this couple, simply be very, very late on Saturday night.

Although how they confused the front seat of a moving vehicle with...umm..."the office?" is beyond me.

Nola said...

Man! All I ever see on my commute are road workers doing, you know, road work.

Good for you for (a) not crashing your car, and (b) not pulling your neck back so fast as to cause injury to your head.

And. THANK GOD it wasn't a student (or other teacher)!

Sandra said...

cracking up about the way you "set up the story"... too funny... but yuck! who wants to see that... ever... especially when the only thing we should be seeing at the hour are our eyelids!

Kate said...

OMG! Hilarious!!

~*~Snappz~*~ said...

Wow. That would not normally impress me ... But dude, I am weirdly impressed by that stupidity! How freaking weird to see that though! I cannot imagine what either of them are thinking.

Flea said...

Considering where you live, it doesn't surprise me. :) I only say that having lived near NO for the first half of my life. And were they in a school zone? That might explain going slow. Hahahahaha! Seriously - 7 AM?