Locusts

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Holy shit.

We're going to rewind to last spring. We had a cockroach problem, well 2. One was that we had an excessive number of them scurrying through the house, the other was that I was/am the only person in this house capable of killing them. At the time, The Fiance insisted that all of New Orleans had roaches, so for months we dealt with the constant onslaught of bugs all on our own. He had a good point, they're all over the ground outside at night, so how can you possibly begin to make a dent in that kind of population of creatures?

It wasn't until our landlord, who lives in the other half of our duplex, woke up with a RAT IN HER BED that an exterminator was finally called out this past summer. He said that we were infested with both cockroaches and rats and that major spraying would need to occur. Let us take a moment to contemplate just how big the brick I shat was.

So the exterminator came out and sprayed and low and behold, the cockroaches slowed down. We did suddenly have an almost constant cockroach death theater in our living room where each morning I'd walk out to at least three or four cockroach carcasses, always on their back, looking extremely painfully dead. We had a small resurgence earlier this winter so we were resprayed and besides the dead cockroaches, it's been better.

Until last night.

It was 10:45 and I had just gotten settled to bed. I closed my eyes and heard a fluttering sound. Being the naive person I am, I expected to see a moth or something, you know, that should have the ability to fly. On the wall above my head/bed was the biggest mother freaking flying cockroach I have ever seen in my life. It was HUGE. I cannot estimate it's hugeness because in my head it's like 3 feet long and I think I may be exaggerating a little. Before I had the chance to kill it, the gargantuan roach flew onto the bed. It did meet its maker shortly thereafter, but the damage was already done, that roach desecrated my bedroom.

Two minutes later, dead cockroach's life partner landed on the wall opposite the bed. I then spent the next, oh, roughly 15 minutes standing on a step-stool throwing a shoe at the wall trying to kill the wall crawler. It should be noted that I was not excessively clothed during this massacre, to put it nicely. As a result, it was pretty awkward when, using an uncoiled wire hanger, I managed to knock the cockroach down and then into the hallway. I ran about 3 paces into the common space holding my clog of death before I realized my state of clothing and retreated, never to find that particular roach again. 'tis both unsettling and very unsatisfying to lose the kill.

As soon as I got settled for the third time and began to relax, I heard the faint tapping of the 800,000 feet on the floor as well as the cat attack noises, which is never a good sign. The cat is an exceptionally poor hunter, so if she's hunting, it must be something large. It turned out to be the first cockroach's identical twin brother running about through my clothes on the floor. I managed to kill it and eventually went to bed, wondering if I would wake up covered in flying roaches, or rather, if I would wake up at all.

I did wake up, about 6 hours later feeling like a big pile of death. I got dressed, walked downstairs for work and saw one cockroach carcass and THREE lives ones scurrying in my kitchen. THREE LIVE ONES.

Needless to say, the exterminator will be here at 4 tomorrow. That is assuming that the next plague hasn't yet begun.

9 comments:

Flea said...

Okay. This is why I no longer live in South Louisiana. You haven't faced your demons until you're walking down the hall and a cockroach comes flying straight at your face. And just knowing that everyone has this problem, that it is only curbed at best, means I live in TULSA. Eighteen years in Plaquemines Parish was a tad too long.

When my husband wanted to move from our beautiful home in Virginia, to Orlando, FL, he dragged me kicking and screaming. The main reasons? Heat and cockroaches. *shudder*

Monkling said...

That is why I will never move below the Mason–Dixon Line. No, sir. Especially to some place like oh, say, Florida, home of the flying roaches (although apparently they've now traveled further west).

Don't be telling me that NY has roaches. I do not want to hear it. Luckily you do not have my address so you can't mail me any dead carcasses. (Don't you go getting any ideas, Kim!)

Signed,
the funny idiot

Anonymous said...

I don't remember too many bugs in Baton Rouge. Maybe it's because the lizards ate them. Oh yes, our townhouse had a gecko infestation! I especially enjoyed finding them in the shower. My dogs miss Louisiana, though; there's not much to hunt in the frozen north. :)

Anna in IL

Ness said...

OMG! Having dealt with both kind of varmits(cockroaches and rats) you have my undying sympathy, empathy and prayers that once and for all, the exterminator will "get 'er done". Lots of hugs to you, dear Katie!

Kate said...

EEEEE. I've got that awful feelining over my skin and down my spine- that you always get if someone says "headlice".

One of the best things about (most of) Wellington is a reasonably bug free life. Not even ants. Well, fortunately there are many other good things. But that's an added bonus.

Daisy Duke said...

If you are looking for the cockroaches best friends, go to the corner of Webster & St. Charles. There you will find the one house that clearly doesn't fit in, i.e., filled with college kids. That, I swear, is where they hold their bi-annual meeting of the minds.

And think Johnny Depp, Christian Bale & Marion Cotillard whatshername who won the Academy Award this year.

lace1070 said...

Katie ~ loved your blog! REminded me of the good ole days when I lived in Texas. I sooooo Hate the cockroach ~ loathe them ~ and haven't seen one since we moved up to NY! True Story!

Nola said...

My mom has some recipe for keeping roaches away. We NEVER saw them growing up. If you want the recipe, let me know. Godspeed!

GenZie said...

My husband came to see me at my home state on Borneo Island 11 years ago. He never visited the island before. He stayed in a place that's like a efficiency minus the kitchen! The room was separate from the regular hotel rooms.

The first night he went to sleep there, he was awoken by a fluttering sound in his room. He switched on the light and saw a huge roach flying across the room, he didn't know they could fly. The roach eventually landed on the floor, where he proceeded to assassinate it with the heel of his shoe. He slammed down hard once, lifted his shoe, and the damn thing still moved! He slammed it a second time! Lifted his shoe, and he swore it flipped him the finger! He slammed the roach several times repeatedly till it was a pile of mush on the floor. Feeling satisfied, he went back to sleep.

Next morning when he went down the stairs to get breakfast, there was a HUGE swarm of them coming up the stairs, he said it looked like there were thousands of them. Red shiny buggers crawling everywhere, and some were flying at him! He was convinced that they came to avenge their fallen comrade! He went back to his room stuffed a towel by the bottom of the door and stayed there till I came. He told me the story, and couldn't help but laugh. I complained to the Hotel manager to do something about it, so they set off a bug spray bomb by that particular staircase. Thankfully there's other staircases that weren't infested with the roaches.

I later found out he forgot to close a window he opened. Screen windows didn't exist back then. My bad though didn't tell him Borneo Island has a lot of roaches. We went to buy him a bug spray after that, several cans of it.