Jack Assery

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

First of all, all of you who told me that the EMGs are not that painful and that the needles are tiny, you are forest-fire in your pants lying liars. Holy mother of all that is good and sacred, that hurt. Like a lot. And I will give you all the details later, but I need to share this story now, while at the airport before my plane takes off.

I'm wearing a shirt that says, "Don't mess with me, I had brain surgery" which, in retrospect, was a bad idea because it has invited waaaaaay too many conversations with strangers (which is sort of ironic given that it even says that I don't want to be messed with, right?).

We get to the metal detector part, I've taken off my shoes, watch, glasses, sweater and have taken out my computer, I'm efficient, I follow rules. I walk through the metal detector and it beeps and I realize that (doh!) I have my cell phone in my pocket.

The official on the other side of the metal detector asks what I have in my pocket, I tell him my cell phone and then he reads my shirt and says, "so you had brain surgery? Looks like you didn't get enough." And sends me back to put my cell phone through the x-ray.

Let me just say that that man is lucky to be alive. If he worked anywhere where there weren't 800,000 policemen around, I might have had to kick his ass.


Anonymous said...

Bwahahaha! Sorry to laugh. But. Damn that's funny. TOTALLY RUDE but funny. He IS lucky to be alive!

kim-d said...

Oh! That dude has NO IDEA how close he came to meeting his maker! And if you would have kicked his ass? I SO would have gently high-fived your numb hand--HAHAHA! But enough fun and frivolity. I come this evening in gratitude...THANK YOU, KATIE--I LOVE IT!!!!! There is a place of prominence and honor for it on my refrigerator door, where I will be sure to see it A LOT :). Seriously put a smile on my face! Have a good trip, Cutie!

Anonymous said...

You know - I may be short and I may be old but I can kick butt. I was born in Brooklyn so that automatically makes me tough. Do I need to beat up any doctors for hurting you? How about airport employees?

Kate said...

That's awesome. Rude- but very very funny. And in my head you totally tear him a new one :-)

Ness said...

Ooooooh...you showed far more restraint than I would have. I would have paid your bail...honest!

Hope you have a good trip!