An Open Letter to my Body

Sunday, February 17, 2008

BlogHer is doing a cool project where women write letters to their bodies, and frankly, I have a few choice words for mine, so I thought this might be cathartic. Let's see, shall we?

Dear Body,

I don't often say nice things to you because frankly, you don't often do nice things to me. You have made my life incredibly difficult and every time it seems like you've exhausted all the ways you could make me more miserable, you come up with a new one. (Ha- you recovered from brain surgery, now I will make your hand completely non-functional. What's that? You can turn your head again? then I shall make it such that you can't feel your toe and have to be monitored for a stroke.) It's like a routine we have, you and I.

Back in college when I decided you were too big and subsequently decided to stop feeding you, you fought back, and you bounced back, and not everyone is as lucky as I was. You were really good to me. I gave up on you, I beat you down, I overworked you, I underfed you and I hated you deep in my core, but you refused to give up on me. You overcame all the obstacles I threw at you, and you ended up stronger than ever.

As much as I often want to declare my hatred for you, it isn't true. Not really. As much of a bitch as you've been in my life, you've also made me into a person that I otherwise would never have grown to be. Because of you, I can glide into any small space without concern. Hours and hours in MRI tubes have conquered all possible claustrophobias. Millions of needle pricks and blood draws have made me completely indifferent to hearing that I have to have another blood test done. Because of the trials you've put me through I know what my true calling in life is and I'm fighting to do it someday. Because of the times you've failed me physically, you've also prepared me mentally for whatever life dishes out to both of us.

When things got really challenging and you began to fall apart, you helped me understand what true friends were. Because those "friends" you scared away? They weren't the kind of people I needed in my life. And the tests and treatments have cost me an arm and a leg (well not literally, though there would certainly be some irony in that, wouldn't there?), but it's also helped me realize that money is definitely not everything and that I am blessed to be employed and insured even if I hate my job with the fiery passion of a thousand suns.

We have a troubled past, but we also have a glimmering, hope filled future. Someday, you will allow me to be a parent. You will let me bring new life into this world and help create a better future. We may not be the healthiest or sturdiest duo, but we have big things in line for us.

Our days together are far from over, and it seems that the obstacles are far from behind us. But I guess what I'm trying to say is, even though you have tested me to the nth degree and that you surely won't be backing down anytime soon, I know that the lessons you have taught me and the tenacity you have given to me, has provided me the strength to make it through whatever trick you have up your futuristic sleeve.

So thank you body. I can honestly say that I couldn't have done any of this without you.

With all my very functional heart,


lace1070 said...

Katie ~ love your letter ~ I have had a similar dialog with my brain tail ~ it's hard to loathe something that is truely a part of you ~ we have to make the peace between the two. It's incredibly hard to do ~ Hugs to you ~ Lace

Anonymous said...

What a great letter--really, your perspective is quite uplifting. Thanks for this one.

Ness said...

What a thought-provoking entry! I had mixed emotions. This just may be my blog subject for tomorrow. Take care.