Mardi Gras Madness take 2: The Private Parts Edition

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Well, it was a successful day of parades. I have so much to share that I'm going to have to break it down by parade, otherwise I'm libel to ramble uncontrollably and indefinitely.

Parade 1: Pontchartrain

We arrived just a few minutes early for the 1pm start and were able to snag a spot in front of one of the thousands of puddles lining the parade route after yesterdays downpour. I only stepped in said puddle a couple hundred times, so it wasn't too bad. The people next to us were superbly obnoxious thirty-something drunkards who were, well, obnoxious. And what I've learned is that the people you stand by at Mardi Gras make a huge difference in your level of enjoyment. But anyway, the parade itself was pretty good. We didn't get a whole lot of beads or anything particularly special, but it was entertaining. Oh, and two women began scrounging through the streets for beads. Literally picking them up out of the puddles (one of them actually rinsed a set off in a puddle, I gagged). They informed us (not that we asked) that they were collecting them to throw at the parade Hermes, which rolls next weekend. And I made a quick note to self that I would not be catching anything that came off that parade.

Here's an example of the beads that were being collected by the crazies:

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Parade 2: Shangri La

This one rolled right after Pontchartrain and it was also pretty good. There was a great moment when it stopped right in front of us and we got showered with beads. Also when the women next to us almost got run over by a tractor when they decided to go to the bathrooms across the street. Or I guess I should say that it was almost a great moment. Also, I learned that yellow fishnet tights make you look like you have hepatitis and that while wearing a green bra beneath a white leotard is a bad idea, not wearing a bra at all is worse.

Oh and someone dropped a really phalic looking balloon animal and I felt compelled to take a picture.

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Parade 3: Sparta

This was a night parade, so we'd had a few hours off. Usually the night parades bring a bigger crowd, but considering that it was ass cold again, I think that the turn out wasn't as good. Also, my whole evening was clouded by the fact that I had a terrible mervin the entire time and since I was wearing two pairs of pants and gloves, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

We ended up standing next to an older Jewish couple (I only know they were Jewish because they kept talking about how that was "their" synagogue across the street) and they were spectacularly in the way. The husband was an easy 6 inches taller than me and stood directly in front of me, but instead of putting his hands up to catch beads he mostly just got hit in the face a lot.

No great pictures from this parade, and no spectacular catches either.

Parade 4: Pegasus

This one followed right after Sparta because a trailer shut down during Sparta and everything was stopped for like 20 minutes. Thankfully we had met up with some friends and passed the time talking with them. We again got to see the way that yellow fishnets cause jaundice, and got more examples of how cheerleading is actually torture both by the skimpy and never flattering outfits and the rather miserable faces that walked past us.

However, something amazing happened at this parade. Last year we caught all manner of things, beads, doubloons, underwear (yea, you're reading that right), but nothing like this. The closest I can get to this would be the Confederate Flag beads we got at Zulu (which is a little odd to me since it's an all black parade). Note that we've never worn these beads, but we keep them because frankly I don't think anyone would believe me without proof.

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(Also, there is possibly the greatest picture of The Fiance with these beads which he will not let me post. In fact, he so doesn't trust me with it that he won't send it to me, for fairly good reason. He looks like a crazy homeless person with beads, it's amazing.)

But this catch, oh this catch. The Fiance got it and triumphantly proclaimed that he had his one great catch for the year. And I have to say, I can't imagine getting anything a whole lot rarer than this.

(For whatever reason, this picture was replaced by a little video of a smiley face doing something wildly inappropriate. Well done, tiny pic...)

(the picture's a little blurry, but I think you'll get the gist). In case you were wondering about the texture, and I know you were, it's like a stress ball. Only with a nipple. Happy Carnival.


kim-d said...

Why, what a lovely stress ball it is, too! From this point forward, I will be referring to ALL boobies as stress balls. Which, I'm sure, will convince those who weren't already that I have a serious maturity problem. But it's just too good; I can't NOT do it. Of course, those more-mature-than-I people will not have a clue how I arrived at that nickname, which makes it even more fun for me. Not as much fun as y'all are obviously having, but I'll take what I can get and be happy with it, too, dammit! :) HAI-larious!

And now I'm probably about to show my age, but what in the world is a mervin? Of course, I automatically think it may be an underwear-related situation, but I'm just not sure. Little help?

Finally...last but MOST CERTAINLY not least...that balloon "animal" (I've heard of some people calling it animal..ummmm, of course nobody I have ever known!) that you shared with us? I think it's meant to be the companion to the stress ball. Just sayin'

Nothin' quite like Nawlins at Mardi Gras time, huh?

Anonymous said...

And here I thought there was just 1 parade and all they threw were beads. That stress ball? I don't think I'd want that thrown at me. But that's just me. I'd want chocolate thrown at me. Wrapped, of course. And not landing on the floor. And maybe I'd bring a butterfly net to reach over tall people.

brneyedgal967 said...

Wow - you are now one of the very few people who can rub your nipple in your pocket!

I want one!

Hubby and I go to New Orleans at least twice a year and I'm itching to go back soon. There's nothing quite like walking in the French Quarter at 9am when most shopkeeps are just opening up and sweeping the sidewalks off from the night before. Right after a morning rain shower that helps permeate the air with the faint fragrance of urine, vomit and overflowing trash bins. Ah, I can almost smell it now.

Enjoy your blog. I'll try not to lurk anymore.

Hope you're having a good weekend!


Anonymous said...

Pontchartrain used to roll in Da East, and Shangri La in Chalmette. That's where we watched them as kids. Man, I am old. That's a lot of parades on a cold, wet day. Impressive! And you guys were certainly rewarded with the boob-loot.

And yes, your neighbors at a parade make ALL the difference.

What fun!