Rant Lite*

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Okay, first of all, I'm so fahreaking glad we got the tuxes done today because if I ever have to do clothing shopping with my Fiance again, one of us will not walk out alive. I love you honey, but shopping with you makes me want to pluck my eyeballs out with rusty spoons connected to loose wires. However, shopping with The Fiance is nowhere near as frustrating/unpleasant/undeniably-and-indescribably ridiculous as shopping with him and HIS MOTHER is.

We went and picked out wedding bands. Yes, we went to Tiffany's. Yes, I realize that it's expensive, I'm not, contrary to popular belief, retarded. I just feel that having a Tiffany engagement ring and a generic wedding band is weird, and I'm a girl. Who wouldn't want to get Tiffany rings? I'm getting a plain band (that's a Jewish tradition), so it's not as expensive as it could be, though admittedly, it's not cheap. Again, I know this because again, I'm not retarded. But what I do not and will not EVER understand, is the inability to support someone else's decision.

We picked out our wedding bands and then in a show of niceness, asked future-mother-in-law (FMIL, the f can stand for multiple words) to come in the store and see them. Mine was a 3mm wide, The Fiance's was a 6mm, in the same ring, and they were lovely. She took one look at his, and I kid you not, says, "UCK! I hate thick rings."

[silence...complete and utter speechlessness]

We picked out these rings and your first response is uck? Really? Because I have seen a lot of things I didn't like (some at your own home) and somehow managed to be polite in spite of it. Amazing, right? And now I feel like an ass because I've put the Fiance in the position of knowing that I like one ring better than another and his mother likes the other and now he has to choose. No way can this end well for him. I'm sorry honey. If anyone has a solution, I'm open to just about any suggestion (and/or donations) at this point. A swift kick in the head wouldn't even be turned down.

Stay tuned for tomorrow night's edition: How I accidentally killed my future mother-in-law after accidentally inviting her to go with us to do our wedding gift registering. Now excuse me while I go drink, it's like carb-loading, but with alcohol.

*Now with less angst. On second thought, maybe not.


Anonymous said...

See, these are little lessons you need to learn NOW. There's a REASON MIL's get a bad rap. We love them, but there love is a jealous love. Never forget.

kim-d said...

Okay, this is coming from a MIL. Who loves her son beyond love. And who also loves her daughter-in-law beyond love. She is a wonderful person, and I am so glad that my son was both lucky enough to capture her heart, and smart enough to choose as his wife a woman as wonderful as she is. Not one bit of jealousy there. It is my opinion that people who are jealous are not happy in their own lives. If you are happy with yourself and your life, what's to be jealous about. I don't quite understand jealousy but if I did, it sure wouldn't have anything to do with my daughter-in-law. So not ALL of us MIL's are like that. To be honest (who, moi?), it just sounds as if your future MIL is a crass, undiplomatic, deeply-unhappy woman who is too dissatisfied with HERSELF to even really give you or anyone else more than a passing thought. Plus, maybe bad upbringing--because, really, the woman seems to be completely devoid of manners. And, remember...I say this after reading of her shenanigans for over two years now (do ya believe it, KatieKat--it's been that long!). Here's my advice, two-fold 1) whenever you're gonna be with her, first hootch-up with whatever your hootch of choice is--hahaha--no, really, just remember, it's her problem, not yours. Always remember that. And 2) always, always, always live at least 2000 miles away from her. That way, the most you are going to have to put up with her at one time is a week or so. Any longer than that, and possibly even in the middle, see #1.

And now for the definitive word on your wedding rings. Get the ones that you two like. YOUR only mistake was asking her opinion in the first place. You must always realize that when you solicit an opinion, especially from a mean, disagreeable wench, you might hear something you don't like. Which is way different from unsolicited opinions from well-meaning friends (like me--hehe) who are not mean, disagreeable wenches. As for The Fiance, what he must ALWAYS remember is this...you are the one he will be living with for the rest of his life, you are the one he has chosen, you are the one who will be the Mother of his future children, and you are the one whose opinion should matter the very most to him. ANYBODY else is secondary. In a marriage, I think, what is between husband and wife is sacred. Starting with the wedding and rings. Get what the two of you want.

Well. YOUR rant may have been lite, but I don't think MINE was! HAHA! You two are going to have such a good life together, if y'all can just survive this wedding thing...

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Tiffanys ROCKS!!! Anytime John gifts me with THE LITTLE BLUE BOX, I just want to cry...

Your FMIL is NOT going to wear the bands - you are - so ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF THEM!!!