The Opposite of a Classic

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Just to keep things balanced, since I left a glowing review of my new favorite reality show, I thought I'd give you a review of a movie too. Consider it pop culture public service.

"No Country for Old Men" has twice been awarded as best movie of the year and is getting all kinds of Oscar buzz which is why I wanted to see it. It seems like I never see those highly acclaimed highly awarded movies, and after last night, I remember why. Because those movies often suck.

First, let me level with you, I'd rather gnaw off my own arm before watching a horror movie. I don't mind suspense, but violence is not my thing. So maybe I'm a little biased. But if you read any synopsis of the movie, no where does it say that it contains never-ending violence. Or so many dead or dying people that you will literally have to close your eyes, plug your ears and quietly hum to drown out of the sound of someone choking to death on their own blood. I mean, not that that happened or that I did that, yea. It's something to watch for.

And maybe I'm crazy (okay, certifiably, but let's put that aside for now, shall we?), but when I pay the $42.00 it now costs to see a movie, I expect a plot. You know, that thing you studied in high school? Rising action, conflict, climax and resolution (let's try and pretend like that didn't sound dirty okay?). A PLOT. NCFOM had no plot. Lots of action, more conflict than you could ever need and that was it. Tommy Lee Jones spat out a soliloquy at the end that didn't make a drip of sense and that was it. And I was one of like 10 people that said, in unison "that's it?" when the credits rolled. NOT because I wanted to see more, but because it ended as if somehow anything made sense.

I left the theater so confused that The Fiance was able to temporarily convince me that one of the characters was just a ghost, which really made the movie so much better (and did you know they took gullible out of the dictionary?) I just, I feel that I am permanently scarred by this movie. Like there's a really good chance that I'll never sleep peacefully again, even if I drug myself to high heaven and back.

The one positive comment I will give is that the violence seemed very life-like. I mean, if I had ever tried to imagine what someone would look like if you blew a hole in the front of the head, the effects in this movie were pretty much what I would've come up with. And blood pools? Yep, pretty much like I imagined them. So thumbs up for the realistic gore. I suppose if you have external genitalia that might make it a better movie?

Anyway, I felt it was my duty to save you all the 30 bucks it would cost you to see this movie knowing that the whole time you'd be trying to figure out how you could sneak into a showing of The Chipmunks and still meet your loved one at the exit door. Cause I'm nice like that and it's the holidays.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the tip. I get seriously pissed when I spend $30 and get a bad movie. Especially since I rarely get to go to the theater much these days!

lace1070 said...

I am the same way ~ totally hate horror movies ~ and needless blood and violence is just wrong. I love watching the Bourne movies ~ hello ~ MATT DAMON! Watched 3:10 to YUMA ~ there was a little violence ~ but the plot and the characterization were awsome and of course Russell Crowe and Christain Bale! Keep up the movie reviews ~ Lace

Anonymous said...

Hey--back again. We saw NCFOM at home--no $42 wasted, and I, well, I .. I.. I liked it. Yes, the ending was not how I'd end it, but the rest was good. There was a plot! Keep money for self; get money from finder. Kill everything in the way (after all, HE GAVE HIS WORD). And I loved the line, "Well, if this isn't a mess, it'll do 'til one shows up."

It's Coen brothers. They are odd, but there ya go.

Was one of the characters really a ghost?? WTF?

Remind me to blog about the time CS got some poor girl to look up gullible in the dictionary--after telling her it was French and really pronounced "gul-e-blay." Yeah, hook, line and sinker. Oh my.

Anonymous said...

Where the hell are you people watching your movies at for 30 or 42 bucks? If that was the case I'd never go to the movies. And here I was thinking 10 bucks was a lot to pay. I'm used to 5.

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