Brainstorming*

Monday, December 3, 2007

I need your help. You see, I haven't washed what's left of my hair in a week and it's gross (because I'm not allowed to, I'm not that lazy). The part that's shaved looks like a man's ragged unshaven face and then I have a gigantor white bandage going down my neck (see last entry for what's under the bandage, mwa ha ha).

And for some unknown reason, people are drawn to staring at it (thankfully they can't really smell it yet). So I need some ideas of what to say when they (always oh-so=politely and tactfully) ask me, "what happened?"

My ideas thus far (and by mine I mean all the ones I've thought of and so far have had suggested to me):

- I had a lobotomy (and then drool a lot).

- I had a tattoo removed, I finally outgrew the rebellious phase.

- I got a bad haircut.

- Banana (so something else wildly random)

So clearly I need help. The whole neurosurgery truth isn't amusing enough. Enlighten me on how I can freak strangers out more than my disgustingly partially shaved head already does. Please.

*No pun intended, but I'm still chuckling a little bit at how clever I am.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Can you tilt your head over a sink and have someone very carefully wash your hair for you? You could put something over the incision so that it wont get wet/soapy...

PC said...

Hey KT. I am sure Kim will be by with some funny ideas bc I just know she will lol. Some ideas I had:
I had my brain removed and replaced by a cantelope. I had a melonopoy.

My cat got a bit wild.
My fiance is a med student and he wanted to practice some of his lessons.(oops sorry mr. Fiance)

Love the staples...they are quite the fashion.
Oh and on washing they have shampoo that is made for dry hair..granted it isnt as nice as actually shampooing but I have used it when I couldn't get wet and my grandmother has had it used on her since she cant really bath anymore in a shower bc of age and illness. I may have some around but I think it is in a white bottle with blue writing.

Katie said...

Anonymous-
Hi! Unfortunately the whole "tilting the neck" is precisely what I can't do. I have tried to come up with any way I could do it, but since my neck is very stiff, I can't really so much move in any direction and when I bend over I get pretty light headed. That and the doctor was pretty specific when he told me not to get my head wet until at least when the staples come out, if not longer. So we'll see when I go on Wednesday- thanks for the idea though!

Pam- I like the melonopy. I have heard of the shampoo you're talking about, but the local drug store doesn't have it (I sent two different people on missions to find it), so I'm just smelly and oily for now. Hopefully just for a few short more days.

Monkling said...

Love the lobotomy one. You can always say you had a brain transplant. Then the problem would be coming up with whose brain they put in there. Brittany Spears? An axe murderer? It can be the first animal to human transplant & you can then make animal noises. (Clearly I need a brain transplant!)

Monkling said...

Or they borrowed some of your brain cells to transplant into a psychopath to cure him. A cloning experiment gone horribly wrong.

Okay, I'll go quietly now...

Monkling said...

You were once Siamese twins. Okay, I'm done now. Really.

PC said...

KT..not sure if u are checking email but there must be some place in New Orleans you can get it bc that is where my mom and my aunt both found it for my Ga..let me see if one of them is at home.

PC said...

Hey I looked up their company website and it says some target stores have it, CVS has the shampoo and Sally Beauty supply stores have it. I looked up Sallys and it lists stores in multiple places in N.O. so there is an idea.

the queen said...

1. Big Hat
2. Blank stare, followed by, "Oh. I suppose I must know you. They warned they might cut out some of my memory."
3. Cheap rainbow wig. No one ever asks, "Why are you wearing a wig?"

kim-d said...

I personally would go with a very long, very involved, very graphic description of the rare type of hydrocephalus that makes you a medical miracle because the doctors were able to perform an operation fitting you with a drain zipper that keeps your cranium from swelling to gigantor proportions and when you feel it filling up in there all you have to do is unzip the little zipper in the back of your head, pull out the little hook on the bottom, attach the little specially made bucket and let it drain, much like tapping the sap out of a tree, only better because of the brain zipper which makes you a medical miracle because it's never been done on another human...and by this time, they're probably running away from you because they're scared. If not, then I'd go with the drooling... :)

Jackietex said...

My 17 year old daughter has a somewhat disfiguring scar on her leg, and when people ask she's been known to act surprised and then freaked out--like she didn't know she had it. Always cracks me up

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you can tell them that one of your students took you out into the back alley and beat you up over a bad grade?

That'll (is that even a word) shut them up real fast.

You are doing amazing. Home after only a few days after brain surgery. I spend 8 days in the hospital after having a feeding tube placed. Now, that is just wrong.

Love ya,

Jodi

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jodi1