Never said nothing to nobody

Sunday, September 2, 2007

I'm taking a Meme from Nabbalicious, feel free to grab it or tag yourself, but let me warn you, it kinda requires some soul searching.

15 things I never said to 15 different people

1. Everyone knows you had an affair and I would be so much closer to you if you could stop lying and own up to it.

2. I'm glad you're overweight. For all the hell you gave me in elementary school for being chubby, I take great delight in the fact that you are now much heavier (comparatively) than I ever was.

3. I wish you had some concept of how much you've hurt your family. I don't wish bad things on you, but I wish your ignorance to the impact you have on other people would crack because if you realized how much you screwed up your own family, maybe you'd change before it's too late.

4. You have been more a mother to me than either of the two women who technically have that role. I don't know what I'd do without you.

5. I wish you'd lose weight. I'm scared that you're going to leave your children fatherless.

6. You are the most hypocritical person I've ever met, and I love you anyway. I just wish you'd learn to listen, both to yourself and to me.

7. When we first started dating I wasn't timid because I was afraid of you. I was timid because I was afraid that if you saw who I really was, you wouldn't like me anymore. I'm still amazed each and every day that you don't run screaming the other way.

8. I wish I could cut you out of my life. You have cause more turmoil in the last few years than everything else combined. And I cannot ever forget the terrible things you said to me when we were kids no matter how hard I try. I just hope you raise your own kids to be nicer.

9. I loved you. You did a lot of things that annoyed me and you weren't always the easiest person to get along with, but I loved you. And I wish I'd told you that a thousand more times before you died.

10. I dispise every fiber of your being. And the fact that you emailed me last year apologizing for being "a dick" only makes me more mad for not reporting you. I always thought you were so drunk that you couldn't remember.

11. Thank you for loving her.

12. I wish you didn't have to learn from your mistakes this way. I wish you had listened to any of us or that you would start listening now.

13. You have a big nose. And so does your daughter.

14. Thank you for standing up for me.

15. I don't call you enough and it's not because I don't think about you or don't want to talk to you. I don't call because it's easier for me to pretend like you're not around then to realize that you are and that you won't be for very much longer. I hope you're still alive for the wedding.


kim-d said...

Oh my gosh, Katie. How brave of you to say those things, even if it's not directly to whoever they're meant for. I really, really admire you for this. Frankly, I don't know if I would have the courage. It takes me forever to finally be able to give voice to those things. I can admit them to myself, in my own brain and heart, but admitting them to other people is a whole other thing for me. Did putting them down "on paper" make you feel like you had lost some of the "weight of the world'? Recently, I admitted a huge thing about my family to a friend in an e-mail, and it felt SO DARN GOOD to actually say it. And that she didn't judge me or them was just the best. Good for you, girl!

Just one thing I want to ask you. And I'm not being a wiseass or anything; I am being 100% serious and honest, and I want you to be as well. I am fat--not just a little overweight--and I also have a big nose. My health is really pretty decent, all things considered--and I do eat healthy (along with unhealthy, too), basically just too much. I'm workin' on it (sometimes when I feel like it)--but I am truly very happy with myself the way I am. Knowing this about me, do you still like me, or would it be hard for you to be around me? Really...I'm just wondering.