Proof of the apocalypse/Road Trip day 2.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Oh. My. God.

I believe I've slipped into what must be one of the much later circles of hell. I know I exaggerate my fair share about the wonder that is SouthWestern Texas, but holy crap, this is not okay. After EIGHT HUNDRED miles of driving today (oddly that's not an exaggeration), I'm still about seven hundred miles from home, if you can believe that. But I'm getting closer, albeit very slowly.

But here's the current problem. It's not the dullness of the drive, or the boiling heat, or the fact that we had to stop for my poor bladder to spasm literally 13 times across Texas today, it's that the locust are here. The apocalypse has arrived.

I have an excerpt from the letter the hotel left us explaining the situation. I swear that I'm not making this up, except for the parts in parentheses, because those are my editor's notes.

"_______ County is giving the eighth plague a run for its money. An invasion of crickets (really? because they look an awful lot like their cousins, the COCKROACHES) has hit ________ with a vengeance, and local parking lots are turning into mass graves for armies of small, jumping insects..." Hi, um, kill me now, okay?

"...if the customers are staying out at night, they get attacked (ATTACKED? There was no better way to put that?). They come in rooms when door's [sic] are opened as guests enter and exit rooms. And they pile up on people's cars, since our parking lot is lit."

So yea. We've killed three of the cockroach/cricket spawn and there are oh, perhaps eight or nine trillion of them swarming outside our room. And oh, did I not mention the beetles? Because there's another letter here about an "invasion of harmless, though scary looking, black bettles." Did I mention that you can kill me now? Because you can.

But, there has been no lightning to speak of. Thank God for small miracles.


PC said...

If I ever saw a bug as big as that cockroach who's pic you posted before, I would think I was in a horror move. Kind of like the movie "The Birds". Hope you werent attacked in your sleep and maybe today will make it safely back to the Crescent City.