Friday, May 11, 2007

Okay, first, I deleted the survey. It was obnoxious and I only put it up because I had a profound case of writer's block, which has since been somewhat alleviated. Also, I've been tagged by Kim to do "10 things" about me thing (Kim, just keep in mind that payback, much like karma, is a bitch...), so stay tuned for that tomorrow because I can't think of one single thing to share right now that you don't already know.

Today is the 4 month mark of my engagement to The Fiance. I don't actually keep count, I just looked at a calendar today and realized it. With school finally being finished and work winding down, I'm starting to plan the wedding, and while it is overwhelming, it's also starting to take some shape and I'm really really excited. I may have found a location and we may be somewhere near finding a date, it's exciting, terrifying, and wonderful, all at once. I'm getting married. There was a time where I didn't believe in love, didn't think I'd ever marry, so every once in a while I have to pinch myself to make sure it's real.

4 months ago when The Fiance asked me to marry him, I think I underwent a chemical change in my nervous system. Since that day in January, I have been the most girliest version of myself, which if you know me, is actually a pretty big change. I now cry (real tears!) when sentimental songs are played on the radio (even ones I've heard multiple times), I remember monthly anniversaries and I find myself overcome with my love for The Fiance. I feel like a completely different person, but possibly a better one. One with emotions.

We saw Spiderman 3 together this afternoon and it immediately took me back to the summer we started dating. Spiderman 2 was one of our early dates and it will go down in history for us because it was our first kiss. Not my first kiss (I actually thought about that and realized that my first kiss was 8 years ago. I. am. old.), not his first kiss, but our first kiss. It's been nearly 3 years and if possible, I love him more than ever. My heart literally swells with affection and I feel like sometimes I smile from the inside out (though I cleverly hide it with a scowl). He has seen me at my worst and he's still here. I feel more at home with him than I do at any geographic location, and there's no place I'd rather be than snuggled beside him.

The Fiance is not perfect, but I do not love him in spite of his imperfection, I love him a little more because of them. Secretly, deep down, I love that he's afraid of bugs. I don't particularly care for bugs myself, but the look on his face when I spare him from an inevitable and painful death by cockroach is irreplacable. I love that he loves simplicity, but not repetition. I can eat the same thing everyday and never bat an eye. He on the other hand, would go batshit crazy. It's just not his thing. But at the same time, he revels over things like sushi and brownies (both of which he has listed as loving slightly more than me, and that's fine, because he knows that deep down I love cake a little more than him). It's nothing fancy, but he loves it. I love that he laughs out loud. Loudly. It's truly contagious because he's so genuinely tickled that he can't contain his noise level, even when we're in public. I thought he might wet his pants last night watching The Office and Scrubs, and it was just so fun to be around. I love him a little less when the laughing is done AT me in public, but the summation of the love is still positive. I love him for never pretending to be what he is not, for his insecurities and most of all, for his support. I really never imagined that you could feel this way for another person and even now, almost 3 years later, he still gives me that excited butterfly feeling in my stomach and occasionally the love that I have for him takes my breath away.

And if that isn't so cheesy that you want to vomit out of a window, I'm just not sure what is.


PC said...

Ok if you were watching the same scrubs I was I can see why lol. Did you get my mail?

kim-d said...

Okay, I'm now lovin' me The Mr., too, because...FINALLY...someone else who watches and loves The Office. That show still absolutely cracks me up and I look forward to it every week. Now, on to the girlie stuff...

I almost cried over what you wrote; I still might! This is so...well, let me just say right here, right now, for all time--I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE FEELING AND SAYING. Your post could have been written by me anytime after June 28, 1988, which is when we got engaged. The same thing happened to me, with the girlie version. Basically, I went from being jaded, cynical, distrustful and sometimes even a little bit hardened (but still nice-HA) to being a happy, smiley, caring, sappy, much better version of me. And I am happy to say that, in my estimation at least, that not only "stuck" but even got a little better. And now, even without Bill's physical presence, I am still overwhelmingly happy with who I am and the way I am in this world. Because Bill loved me and I love him.

We used to look at each other and say "will it ALWAYS be like this?" And I'm happy to report IT WAS!!! This magic you feel right now? It not only stays that way, but just keeps getting better as you go through your lives together--deeper and stronger. Even now, even without Bill's physical presence, whenever I think about him--which is often--my heart STILL sings and my stomach STILL flutters!

As your friend and a person who cares about you so, so much--I could not ask for anything more or better for you. I love that you and The Mr. are going to have such a great, fun life together. I love that you shared this--because now I will get to go through this day a little happier just knowing that this has happened for you. I love that right when some of us are ready to give up hope of having this kind of happiness...voila, there it is! I love that you and I have his in common.

Just know I could not be happier for you, even though you threatened me with karma!!! :) :)

kim-d said...

And what I really meant is that I love that you and I have THIS in common.

No matter how much I heart any of my friends, I don't wanna be havin' any "his" in common with any of them--you included. Ewwwww!

HAHAHA! Someday I might wanna try that proofreading thing...